


good to go.

by zmiklas



Category: Ed Sheeran (Musician), Taylor Swift (Musician)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-24 12:38:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 34,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4919899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zmiklas/pseuds/zmiklas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"At that moment, I felt a new song coming on. Or a new album. Or a new chapter in my life. "</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. prologue.

For the longest time, as long as I could remember, I was very much “best friend” material to the opposite sex. I would befriend a girl, get to know her really well, share our secrets, and eventually I would fall in love. The first few times that this happened, I wasn’t sly about it. I was very straight forward with my feelings back then. Now, not so much. I keep my thoughts locked up now. After a while you get tired of “oh honey, I think of you as a brother.” or “I’m sorry but, you’re my best friend and that’s all. this doesn’t change anything at all thought I promise!” which is fucking bullshit. It does change things. Breaking a heart changes things. But with a person like me, I smile and say “totally.” No one wants to date the silly red haired kid with a small guitar that likes to write about his feelings. it’s cool though, totally. 

Even when I did manage to get a girlfriend, I also managed to royally fuck that up. which managed to fuck me up. I learned my lesson though. no more girls. totally. 

”Ed, we’re ready when you’re ready.” 

Another night of the USA tour, only a few days and I’ll be on break for a while. Then, the Red Tour starts. I’ll be with her. Her band, her back up dancers. Her crew. Everyone. 

But mostly her. 

Maybe She’ll drink with me after shows, and open up more to me. She’s more guarded than I thought she would be. Very reserved and holds herself very well. She has an aura I have only seen in one other person. And that’s what scares me. I can’t have that happen again.

Or Maybe she’ll sit with me on the tour bus and talk with me. Sing with me. Write more with me. I’ll sly dig like I did once before. Write my feelings into a song she helped me write. “Silly love songs is all they are.” I’ll say. Deep down they never really are. 

Or Maybe she’ll start to have feelings for me as well. Maybe I’ll be one of the lucky ones to have her write another amazing song about me. Sell millions on her infatuation. I could only hope for it. 

It’s everything I could ask for. Simply, I just want to know her better.


	2. one.

I remember the first time I saw them together. I was shocked really, but at the same time, I wasn’t. One of my best mates with one of the most successful women out there? It was a no brainer. Of course they looked really good together. They were the latest gossip, being seen together at a zoo. She looked beautiful. He looked his best that day. Their date must have been an amazing day by the look on her face. She looked so happy. Yeah, I wasn’t as shocked as I really thought I was. 

Then, there was the after party. I didn’t expect her to be there, but she texted me before I went on stage with the boys that night, and yeah I was pretty excited to see her. but I knew I would be let down by seeing her. She would be whisked away by him and I would be left with the wall and a beer as I watched the party from afar. And that’s exactly what happened. They danced, sang, drank, kissed, and left the party together. I wasn’t feeling that party that night 

Months gone by. I was on tour, and she was on break. I hadn’t really thought of anything of it. Of them. Until I had gotten a call from Harry before one of my shows. 

“Hey man, what’s up?” I said. 

“Um hey mate. I need some help.”

And of course I am willing to help one of my best mates.

“Sure Harry, what’s going on?" 

"How do you break up with a girl that’s pretty…sensitive?”

Oh no.

“Harry…”

“I know, this sounds so bad but. I really can’t deal with my fans hating on her. She doesn’t deserve it you know?" 

"Fuck the fans Harry, do you like this girl?”

“Well, yes I do but-”

“But nothing. You don’t break up with her over your fans, man" 

Silence came from the other end of the phone. 

"Just forget it, Sorry man.” And then he hung up on me. 

 

This phone conversation left me urked for a long while after that.

 

A Month gone by, New Years had come and gone. 2013 was upon us. I was still on tour. US tour dates coming in and I was finally enjoying myself. I had forgotten about that conversation I had with Harry. Until I had seen it. 

 

“Haylor is over!” was splattered over gossip magazines. My heart was conflicted. relief. empathy. happiness. worry. everything was spiraling. I decided I should talk to her. I had texted her earlier, but she never responded. which is normal. She’s a very busy girl. Until I felt my phone vibrate, that is.

“Hey buddy, sorry I didn’t text earlier. rehearsals are kicking my ass.” I chuckled at the curse word. Seeing Taylor in a comfortable state was really a treat.

“It’s alright, how is everything? I feel like I haven’t talk to you in years.” I replied. 

“Everything is great! It’s been too long Ed, is the tour doing good?" 

"It’s good. how are you and Harry?” was I too direct? probably. It took her a while to respond. It made me anxious. was I out of line to ask? 

“We actually broke up. He was just…an asshole really. hope that doesn’t piss you off. I know he’s one of your great friends.”

I couldn’t help but smile. I didn’t care that she had said that about him. Because I know him. And it’s the fucking truth.

“You’re alright Taylor. He is quite a twat sometimes. okay all the time.”

 

“ahhaha, :) Ed, you’re the best. But yes. I’m okay with it all. I just wish I could get away from all of this hate. I try so hard to get away from it as possible. It seems to be catching up with me it seems. :( I’ll be okay right Ed?”

my heart swelled up with sadness. 

“It will be okay, I promise. When we’re touring together in March, we’re gonna have a brilliant time. sing, laugh, and dance. all of that. We’ll get away from it all together. Just you and me, okay?” I really meant that. She didn’t deserve this shit. It was such fucking bullshit and I could express that enough. 

“Thank you so much Ed. That means a lot to me. You’re the greatest friend I’ve had in a while. Everyone leaves. You won’t leave right?”

“I won’t. Never. As long as you don’t leave me either.”

“Never.”

At that moment, I felt a new song coming on. Or a new album. Or a new chapter in my life.


	3. two.

The Brit awards had my stomach all tied up in knots. I wasn’t performing that night, but it was the first time Taylor and Harry were going to be in the same place since the break up. And the worst of it all? I’m in the middle of it all. Taylor and Harry will be no where near each other in the room, but I know the tension will be heavy in that room. 

I was currently backstage, enjoying the pre-show party when I saw Taylor walk in. Her dress was a long flowy black dress with a gold belt, and she was showing some skin. She looked beautiful. But something was off to me. Her eyes were saying something else to me. I watched her look around the room, as if she was searching for someone. But she ended up looking very much alone. Seeing this, I decided to go up to her. 

When I approached her, her body language instantly changed. Her eyes locked with mine, and a smile stretched across her face. she met me and I pulled her into a hug. 

“Hi Ed! it’s nice to see you.”

“You look..great Taylor.” I mumbled, looking her up and down on more time. She really did look great. stunning. 

“Awh thank you so much! You look great yourself.” she said looking down to the ground. I watched her face, which seemed happy, but still. her eyes were saying otherwise.

“Hey, you alright? You seem down.” I decided to get down to it and ask her. I instantly noticed by the look on her face that something was wrong.

“No, um, I’m fine. just. some things going on you know.” I watched her ringing her hands together. 

“Well you know I’m here for you, never going to leave remember?” I said. I watched her look at me and give me the most genuine smile. And I gave one back.

“Now, how about a drink, yeah? Gotta get rid of those nerves so we can present those awards.” 

“Yes let’s.”

——-

I finally presented the award for the male solo of the year, and I was back backstage. I was on my way to going back to my seat, when there was two people that caught my eye. 

There was Taylor, still back stage after presenting the first award, and was probably waiting to get ready for her performance a little later tonight. She was walking down a long hallway of the dressing room hall, but someone was walking after her. I instantly mentally groaned at the sight of who it was. 

“Taylor, Taylor please stop walking. please listen to me.” Harry was closely walking behind her, but she was looking down, at the ground and ignoring her. I watched the whole scene unfold since I went unnoticed. 

Harry grabbed her shoulder and forced her to turn around. This set something off in me. I started walking up to them until Taylor’s voice threw me off. 

“Harry, please. leave me alone. I have to go change for my performance so please.” She turned to walk away, but Harry grabbed her again and forced a kiss. That’s when Taylor pushed him away and slapped him across his face. I flinched from watching the contact. 

“I don’t need this Harry. I kind of knew what I was getting into. I really thought you were a great person. But I’m sorry, your fans are stalking me, tweeting me, even meeting me here, just to tell me I’m a bitch and asshole when I could be meeting my own fans. I don’t need this! Now stop following me. stop talking to me. we are done. got it?” 

This is when I felt like it was my time to intervene on the two. I walked up to them, both of them shocked to see me. Taylor walked past me and into a dressing room with her name on the door, and slammed it. I looked at the door, and then to Harry. He looked defeated and ashamed. I let out a sigh. 

“I fucked up big time” he said, ruffling his hair with his hand. 

“You can’t force her mate, she made her decision.” I replied. And with that, I left him with a pat on the shoulder, and decided to go check up on Taylor. 

I knocked on the door of her dressing room, but all I could hear were the sound of sobs. 

“Taylor it’s Ed, can I come in?” I said, with my hand already on the knob. 

Caitlin, Taylor’s fiddle player, answered the door. The look on her face worried me. She looked over my shoulder, out of the door, and then gave me the okay to come in. Once she knew it was just me, she let her defensive guard down. I instantly saw Taylor in front of a mirror applying make up but looking very much upset. She saw me in the reflection and gave me a sad smile. 

“Taylor I’m sorry, I was out there and I should’ve stopped him. but I didn’t. I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay Ed, it needed to be done I guess.” she let out a sigh. “I have to get over it for now because I need to be in the zone. The pressure is on.” 

I smiled. She was always an amazingly hard worker. 

“You’re going to kill it Taylor, you know that.” I said. She looked at me in the mirror and gave me one of those genuine smiles. 

“Taylor, we’re ready to get you into the costume.” I heard someone yell from the other room connected. Taylor shot up and looked over to me. “see you in the crowd okay?!”

“break a leg Taylor,” I yelled to her and I watched her vanish into the other room. I made my way out of the dressing room and back to my seat that happened to be in the front row. Perfect spot to see one of your best mates kill it out there. 

And I was not talking about One Direction this time. 

—-

It was time for Taylor’s performance and I was getting antsy for it. I had heard there was lots of theatrics and pyro going on tonight. The lights went out, screams erupted through the whole crowd, and the opening riff of I Knew You Were Trouble echoed through the whole place. 

My eyes never left Taylor. Everyone around me vanished and I felt like I was the only person in the room. Fake snow fluttered the stage and fire flashed behind her and the dancers. Right before the second chorus of the song, there was a costume change. The crowd screaming brought me back to reality. Taylor let her hair down, and the white dress was ripped away to reveal black knee high boots and a black corset costume. 

When she hit the high note, I got goosebumps I could tell she was pouring her whole heart into this performance. I could see the anger, sadness, and regret in her eyes. It was intense and intimidating. And most of all, it was fucking sexy. 

At the end, she got a standing ovation, but her face was different. She usually smiled in awe, but not tonight. She was staring down the whole crowd with a face to be reckoned with. Her eyes were intense. She meant to make a statement with that performance. She wasn’t going anywhere. 

At that moment, I was in awe with Taylor more than I was before.


	4. three.

I had tried to find Taylor after the show, but had no luck. I had retreated to my hotel room for the night, planning on smashing some beers and writing some new songs. I needed to clear my mind and that’s the only way I knew how. So, with putting the do not disturb sign on my door knob, I closed the door and settled into my hotel bed. 

A few hours in, I was a little tipsy and I had some lyrics written down in front of me. I didn’t know how I felt about them just yet since I like to get a second opinion from time to time. I looked them over again, let out a sigh, and started strumming on my guitar once more. But before I could get into again, my phone vibrated and my text tone rung off. I checked it to see a message that made me smile. 

“Hey, I found your hotel room but there’s a do not disturb sign on it. are you sleeping?” 

I looked at the door, got up, and opened it. I was welcomed by a very happy looking Swift. She was wearing a black mini dress and wearing black flats. She must’ve just been at the after party I skipped out on. I just wasn’t feeling it tonight. She had a very giggly smile on her face. 

“Hey! I didn’t see you at the party so I wanted to come see you before I went to bed. Can I come in?” 

I gladly let her in, still leaving the sign on my door knob. 

She walked in and stood, looking at the guitar and notepad on the bed. 

“Were you writing? I can go if you need me to.” she said, sounding a little sad about that. 

“No Taylor, you’re okay. I actually need a second opinion,” I said, making my way to the fridge for a water, “do you want to listen?” 

“Oh yeah! yes!” she said, making herself at home. She kicked off her shoes, and sat on the bed. 

I gave her a water, and sat across from her. I picked up my guitar, and starting playing. The lyrics were a little rough around the edges, but they told a story of a new beginning and how scary and beautiful it could be. A story of a new chapter in your life and you don’t know how to feel about it. Whether it’s going to benefit you, or just give you a temporary high on life. I caught Taylor in the corner of my eye, and I could see her listening to my song intensely. She had her eyes closed, bobbing her head, and she looked like she was trying to take it all in. 

I sang out the last chorus, strummed the last few chords, and the room was filled with a calm silence. I set my guitar down and waited for her response. She still had her eyes closed, but then she made eye contact with me. She stared into my eyes as if she was looking for something, and I could feel myself getting goosebumps from it. 

“What’s it about?” she asked quietly. 

I looked down at the notepad. Would it be too much to tell her it’s about our new friendship and her new tour? And most of all, this new interest in her? 

“Just, a lot of things really.” is all I could say. 

She looked at me like she wanted to figure it out herself, but then she let it slide. 

“The lyrics have a sense of vulnerability and optimism all in one. It’s beautiful.”

I smiled and looked down. “Why thank you.”

She let out a giggle. “You’re very welcome.” She layed down on her side of the bed. “So, why didn’t you go to the after party? I was looking forward to seeing you. To be honest…I wanted to share a dance with you.”

I felt my face warm up. Oh for fuck sake Ed. 

“I’m sorry, I just wasn’t feeling the party scene tonight. Kind of wanted a beer alone, you know?” 

“That honestly sounds like more fun than the party I was just at. I just wanted to see you one last time before I don’t for a few weeks.” 

My stomach flipped at the thought of the tour. Six Months of amazing shows with my new friends. Six Months of going through the states. Six Months of traveling. Six Months. With her. 

“I’m glad you came and found me before you left for the states again. I can’t wait for the tour.” I said with a sigh. I got up and put my guitar and notepad in the corner of the room. I then layed down next to her, staring up at the ceiling. 

“You know, Ed…” she said in a quiet whisper. “I’ve been meaning to ask you something, but I can never really figure out to ask you.” 

I looked over at her. She met my eyes once again. 

“I’ve listened to your music a lot. Your EP’s, Collabs, everything. I’m kind of an over-analyzer sometimes. I’ve been wondering about…nevermind it’s stupid to ask.” she looked away from me then. 

“No, come on, you have to ask me now.” I said “I promise not to get upset or anything.” 

“Well..I just wanted to know. Who is Alice to you?” 

I was not expecting that. I let out a sigh. That triggered Taylor to start saying sorry over and over. 

“Shh, Taylor it’s okay. Alice. She’s.” The flashbacks were coming back to me. her face her voice. her smell. her hello. and her goodbye. “She’s just my ex girlfriend. that’s all.” 

But I knew that wasn’t all. I knew how much she meant to me. I knew she was my muse to most of my songs. 

Well..not my current muse anymore. 

That thought caught me off guard. Alice was beginning to not be my muse anymore. She’s becoming more and more distant as the days go by. Just a memory now. 

“But…” Taylor let out a sigh, making me look back at her from the ceiling once again. “She seems more than that..I don’t know. that’s all?” 

“Well…” I paused for a long minute. “She’s the first girl I ever loved.” 

“Your first love?” she asked. 

“correct.” 

“You talk about her like she was the best thing in the world. I bet she was great.” 

Ouch, right in the chest. I let out a chuckle.

“Yeah but you know, all good things must come to an end at some point. We weren’t meant to be.” I said, thoughts flowing through my head. It hurt to remember after not thinking about it for so long. 

“Ed.” I heard her say. “Will you sing me more songs?” 

I sat up with a smile. “of course I will. Only if you do the same.” 

She gave me the most beautiful smile I’ve seen on her. My stomach flipped. but in a good way this time. That’s a feeling I could get used to.


	5. four.

From the moment I woke up, I knew something was going to go wrong. I had that gut feeling in my stomach and that voice in the back of my head saying “oh for fuck sake.” over and over again. I was a mess. I didn’t sleep well, I couldn’t eat in fear of throwing it all back up. I was shaking. My legs were restless, and most of all, I kept checking twitter more than I usually did. And the reason for all of this? 

It was the opening night of the Red tour. 

Now, I usually wouldn’t be this nervous. I’m very much used to playing shows where some people didn’t know who I was or what I sounded like. That was not the big deal here But the idea of playing an arena on the first night had me doubting myself. I kept over thinking the whole night. over thinking in sound check, and now here I was, right before I went on, over-fucking-thinking. 

 

I was backstage, guitar in hand, strumming away and singing a few lines of Give Me Love to warm up, when I caught Taylor in the corner of my eye. She was wearing a hat on her head, she was all dolled up with her usual red lips, and had a sparkly white top on. But the thing that caught my eye was her high waisted shorts, and let’s not forget, those legs of hers. I felt myself staring and it’s like I couldn’t look away even if my life depended on it. When she reached me, I looked her in the eye. She smiled and brought me into a hug. 

“Are you okay Ed? You look really heated about something.” She asked. I looked down. All I could think about is “just how good you look right now.” 

“I’m alright Taylor, I’m just a little nervous is all.” I replied, not being able to look her in the eye.

“You’re going to do great! I promise!” she gave me another hug. “I promise you’ll be okay!”

But, at the end of the night, I wasn’t okay. 

When I got off stage, I had a fit of rage and threw my guitar. I’m glad no one was around when that happened. I’ve never been so flustered about making mistakes on stage. They happen sometimes and there’s nothing really you can do about them. But, I guess in the back of my mind, all I really wanted to do tonight is impress Taylor and her Management tonight. 

Tonight I had tripped a few times over mic cords and my loop pedal, and I had broken a string. To me usually, this wasn’t a big deal. Tonight on the other hand, it was a big deal. A huge fucking deal. 

After smashing my guitar on the ground, I let out a sigh and slid down a wall backstage. Fuck fuck fuck. This cannot be happening. I had to get ready to go back out there with Taylor soon. I just smashed my guitar and my confidence all in one night. Shit fuck. Shit. 

“Ed..?” 

I looked up to see Taylor once again. She should be getting ready to go out there. She looked concerned. She looked over at the guitar and back at me. She then sat next to me. 

“Ed, what happened?” she asked

“I fucked up. On the first night. Why the first night?”

“Ed, it’s okay. You did great.”

“I fell on my ass three times” I chuckled.

“It happens to everyone Ed! I’ve fallen so many times on stage, fucked up the words, messed up the guitar parts, the list goes on and on.” She said, waving her hands around in the air. I smiled.

“I don’t know, I just really…really wanted to impress everyone.” I let out a sigh. “I wanted to impress you.”

“Ed, if you didn’t impress me you wouldn’t have been on this tour in the first place.” She said, getting up from the wall. “Now, I have to go now, but I’ll see you out there in an hour.” And with that she was out of my sight, and out there to see her fans. She always seemed to know what to say to make me feel better. I got up off the ground, and made my way to my guitar tech. He was going to kick my ass for breaking my guitar on the first night, but I could care less right now. Taylor’s rung out in my head. She really did bring out something new and real in me. And I really liked it.

I was at the side of the b-stage watching Taylor sing I Almost Do acoustic, and it was captivating to hear the whole place sing it back to her. She was playing her red Taylor guitar, as the stage slowly circled around. When the stage made its way in front of me, she looked down at me at the soundboard and smiled and winked. Chills went down my spine and I smiled back at her. Oh for fuck sake Ed. Get your shit together. She could not be flirting with you. She can’t. You are perfect friend material and everyone fucking knows it. 

I was too caught up in my thoughts that I didn’t realize Taylor was done with I Almost Do. She switched out guitars, and the tech had put an extra mic for me. 

“Now, I know you guys know this but, I had brought a very special friend out with me on this tour.” Taylor said, and the arena screamed back at her. I also heard some people yell my name and some other things along the lines of “I LOVE THE GINGER ANGEL!” This made me laugh and blush. I was used to this, but it just seemed different in a way. Knowing that this wasn’t my audience made me feel grateful and very much humbled. 

“Ed, are you out there?!” Taylor said. That was my queue to join her on stage. The crowd went wild when I showed up, and this made me blush again. Taylor’s smile in the spotlight on us made her seem even more breathtaking. I started to strum on my guitar and so did she. I watched her as she sang the words to the first verse and I was filled with these new butterflies I had never experienced before. She was beautiful on her own, but when she was in her element it was like she was on top of the world. She was so beautifully breathtaking. 

I harmonized with her on the chorus and I heard the crowd scream the words back. Taylor looked over to me and walked over a little to face me. I sang the whole second verse and we stared each other in the eyes. 

“And all I feel in my stomach is butterflies the beautiful kind, taking flight making me feel right.”

When I really sang that line, I really felt it for the first time. When we had wrote this song, it was just another love song to me. But for the first time, I was actually feeling the words. I was feeling the melody. This thought gave me goosebumps and before I knew it, the song was done. The crowd went ape shit. But the only person I could pay attention to was Taylor next to me smiling. She brought me into a hug, but honestly I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to kiss her right in front of this arena of people. I wanted people to know how I felt. I wanted her to know. 

But, I knew that I was perfect friend material. Perfect tour-mate material. Perfect buddy material. And that’s all I was going to be. And I had to come to terms with that soon or things were going to get complicated. And that’s the last thing I want to happen. 

I really really don’t want to fuck this up.


	6. five.

For the first few days of the tour, things have gone very smoothly. I’d open up the show, go and sing with Taylor, hang out at Club Red, and then go on my tour bus and sleep with a smile on my face. I was having the best time on this tour. For the first time so far, we had a week long break. No one had promotional things to do on the side, so that only meant one thing: party.

I was secretly excited to see if I could get Taylor tipsy. I have had seen her sip on wine a few times, but alas, those were just sips. I wanted to see her in her drunken state. I wondered what kind of drunk she was, even though it was obvious. She would be either a very happy drunk or a very touchy feely drunk. The thought made my stomach churn in a very weird way. 

So here I was on my tour bus relaxing and strumming away on my guitar, when someone made their way into the door. 

“Hey Ted.” My new spikey haired friend Grant walked into the lounge and sat next to me. “We’re all going to pile onto the girl’s bus and party. You coming with?” 

“Right on. I’ll bring my beer.” I said getting up, going to the fridge. I grabbed the left over six packs I had from the other night of sipping drinks alone, and Grant and I made our way in the huge parking lot of the arena we were playing next week. From the outside of the girls’ bus, you could hear the music muffled and the bass vibrating the door. Grant made his way in first with me following. When we walked in we were welcomed by everyone. Taylor’s band members all yelled a “hey!” to us. Taylor’s backup singers were all sitting, drinks in hand, and seemed to be all sharing a laugh with each other. Taylor and Caitlin on the other hand we dancing with each other. The sound of Macklemore & Ryan Lewis’s new album sounded through the little bus. The fact that we could fit all of these people in here was a surprise to me. 

I went up to the boy’s little group huddle and held up my beer. They cheered and let me in their little circle. We all greeted each other with smiled and pats on the back. 

“I’m so glad we have another man to party with.” Amos, Taylor’s Bass player said to me. “Ever since Al left the band, it hasn’t been the same. Maybe you can fill the void. He loved to drink with us.” 

“Don’t worry, I’ll try to make up for it.” I said, giving him a smile. I raised my new beer for a cheers and we all clinked our cans together. 

“To this amazing tour!” Grant said as he chugged his beer. I followed his lead and chugged my beer as well. 

“Ed!” Taylor’s voice caught me off guard. She stopped dancing with Caitlin and came up and hugged me. “Heyyy! You brought beer?” she pointed to the cans on counter. 

“Uh, yeah. I had some just sitting there so.” I replied, not really sure what to say. 

“Hey, We need to celebrate Taylor’s winning for tomorrow’s ACM nominations!” Grant said to me, winking at Taylor. 

“I’m not going to win anything Grant, don’t celebrate something that’s not going to happen!” she said, nudging him. 

“Oh come on Tay, you know you’re going to. After all of those years of winning back to back, you don’t think you’re going to this year?” Grant replied. Taylor now looked very unsure and uncomfortable with this situation. 

“Hey, Taylor, let’s go outside.” I said. She looked at me and knew what I was trying to do, and grabbed my hand, yelled a “be right back!” to everyone, and lead me outside the bus. 

She let out a sigh, and let go of my hand. We leaned against her bus and looked up at the night sky. Damn it got dark here quick. I looked over to her and found her looking at me. She smiled and then looked at the ground with a smile on her face. I couldn’t help but smile myself as well. 

“Thank you for doing that. You know, reading my body language. I could see it in your eyes.” She said, looking up at the sky. I felt my face warm up a little bit. I didn’t know I was so easy to read. 

“I would be lying if I said I didn’t want to win, but do I think I’m going to? No. The people in the Country world do not like me as much anymore. I win most of the fan voted awards. People get pissed off, saying I don’t deserve anything I win in the country categories. I honestly wish they would stop I don’t regret taking my music in a different direction. That’s what artists do, they explore. They take risks. I do not regret it at all. I just have amazing fans that think I deserve to win. I can’t help that.” She let out a sigh after. I just looked at her and felt for her. I didn’t know quite to say. 

“Sorry for ranting at you…I haven’t really told anyone else about how I felt. Not even my mom knows, and I tell her everything.” She said. I could see the tears in her eyes and instantly reacted. I pulled her into a hug. I could tell she was shocked by the hug, but I didn’t let go. 

“Hey, don’t cry okay? I’m glad you told me. I won’t judge you, you know that. I can’t imagine how scary this seems to you, to be rejected by your genre. But you shouldn’t be. You made an amazing record this year. Your fans know that. I know that. Hell, I know YOU know that.” I pulled away from her to look her in the eyes. She looked relieved, happy, and most of all, safe. She gave me the biggest smile and my stomach flipped with nerves. And once again, I couldn’t help but smile back. 

At that moment, I didn’t hear the bus door open until someone yelled for us. 

“Hey! Where did you guys- oh…” Caitlin stared at us with this look on her face like she knew she just interrupted something. She didn’t say a word, she just slowly went back into the bus and closed the door silently. Silence followed. Taylor and I burst into laughter then. 

I realized I was still holding her, and instantly let go of her. She had noticed as well, but something about her made her look like she didn’t mind at all. She wrapped her arms around herself and looked at the ground awkwardly. There was a weird silence around us. I cleared my throat nervously.

 

“Maybe we should…” I pointed to the bus door. “Go back in and-“ 

What happened next took me by surprise. I felt Taylor leave a kiss on my cheek. My face spun back to face her. She had a smirk on her face and I could see her blush even in the night time. 

“You’re a good guy Ed, thank you.” She said. She grabbed my hand. “Now, let’s go. I need a drink after all of this.” 

I let out a chuckle. I needed a drink as well. My nerves were all bunched up and crazy and it was all her fault.

Ever since that night of the party, Caitlin had been giving me weird, yet knowing looks. I couldn’t really figure out why, and I was too scared to ask. At this point, she probably knows about my…infatuation for her boss. The last few days of this break strictly consisted of just that. Party on one bus, Caitlin gives me weird looks, and Taylor and I end up outside with wine glasses and beer cans. But tonight was a different story. 

Taylor was at the ACM’s. She was nominated for two awards and she was performing. 

We were camped out in Nevada to give her support in our bus. My crew all watched the whole award show. The whole night I was a nervous wreck. Despite what I had said the other night, I really do want Taylor to win something, anything. Anything would make her feel better about all of this. As the night went along, however, it was evident that she wasn’t going to win anything. My fingers were crossed for entertainer of the year. 

But my thoughts and prayers were not answered tonight. At the end of the night, Entertainer of the Year went to Luke Bryan. I saw Taylor in the audience. She was the first one to shoot up and cheer and clap for Luke. That made me smile and my heart hurt at the same time. She put a very good wall, but for someone like me that now knows her thoughts, I could see right through it. Luke accepted the award and now the show was over. I shot up, went outside of my bus, and ripped out of my phone from my pocket. I had a few unread texts that sunk my heart right into my stomach. 

“Taylor: Female Vocalist of the year. That’s okay,there’s so many amazing voices in that category.”

 

“Taylor: Album of the Year, it’s okay I expected just as much.”

“Taylor: Entertainer of the Year: I’m so happy for Luke he really deserves this.” 

I knew what she was doing though. I know someone like her. She’s hurt and is masking it. I clicked on her name and called her. Waiting for her to pick up was torture. 

“Hey Ed.” I let out a sigh of relief. 

“Taylor I’m so sorry I didn’t respond to your texts my phone wasn’t on.” I replied.

“Oh, it’s okay. I’m here with my mom and dad, they’re flying back home in a little bit and so is my date, when I’m done, can I come see you?” Her voice was shaky. 

“Of course you can. I’ll be outside my bus alright?” 

“Alright, see you then.”

I hung up and got out my pack of cigarettes. I really needed a fucking smoke. 

It took 20 minutes for Taylor’s limo to roll up and drop her off. When she stepped out, she was still in the dress she wore when she performed with Tim and Keith. When she stepped out, she looked at me, and it’s like the wall came down. I saw her smile drop, her shoulders droop over and she walked over to me. Tears were coming down her face. I threw the cigarette I had in my hand and walked to meet her. We collided with a hug. I let her cry into my chest and I rubbed her back and shushed her and whispered “it’s okay” into her ear. 

When she finally calmed down, she looked up to me and to my shirt and mumbled “shit” and wiped at the smudges of red and black from her makeup. I gently grabbed her wrist and pulled it away. 

“It’s okay Taylor. Let’s get you in your bus okay?” She nodded. I put my arm around her waist and guided her to the bus. When she opened it up, Caitlin was in the lounge waiting for her. She sprung up and went to Taylor. They hugged as I watched them. 

“Taylor are you okay oh god have you been crying no please don’t-“ she went on like that until she spotted me and gave me the ever-knowing look. I froze up at her eyes burning holes into mine. 

“I’m fine Cate, Ed called me when I got out of the show and I went to see him and I just…broke down. We’ll talk about it I promise. Just not now please…”

Caitlin nodded, looking suspicious and unsure. She announced that she was going to bed and left the lounge part of the bus. Taylor turned to me and I felt the urge to wipe the tears off of her face. I fought that urge though…as hard as it was. 

“Ed…will you stay with me tonight?” she asked. Her voice was shaky still and she wouldn’t look me in the eyes. 

“Of course I will. Just let me text my manager and tell everyone where I am.” 

“I’m going to go change real quick” she said nodding. I made myself at home on the couch and texted who I needed to until Taylor came back out. She had pillows in her hand, blankets, and a bag of candy bars. 

“Um, I brought you some pillows and blankets. We can watch a movie or anything you want.” She said sounding very shy. I smiled and kicked off my shoes. 

“Have you ever seen Lord of the Rings?” I asked. She smiled and giggled out a no.

“It’s time to be enlightened then, Swift.” 

We wrapped ourselves in blankets, ate popcorn with Hershey kisses in it, and we watched the first Lord of the Rings. Soon, it was about 3 am, and I was the only one awake. Taylor had fallen asleep with her head resting on my shoulder. I couldn’t bring myself to move her, so I took my glasses off, and simply rested my head on top of hers gently. Even though it was probably the most uncomfortable couch and the worst position to fall asleep in, it was the first time in a long while that I slept soundly, and I knew it was because of her.


	7. six.

That morning I was woken up by Caitlin and the rest of the girls shooing me out of the bus and saying something about a “no boy rule.” I laughed, helped Taylor pick up the mess we made, and walked my happy ass to my bus. It was about 7am, so the sun was coming out making the sky look pink and blue. I took out my pack of cigs and decided to have a morning smoke. I sat against my bus enjoying my cigarette when I heard someone yell my name. 

“Ed!” I saw Taylor running up to me, but her appearance took me by surprise. She was wearing a baggy hoodie short shorts, and flip flops. When she got closer, I realized that she wasn’t wearing any make up. I knew this was a very rare sight, and I could feel myself taking it all in. I stood to approach her. 

“You forgot your glasses and I figured you would need them. I don’t see how you can see without them, I’m so blind without my contacts!” she let out a little giggle. She handed me them and I put them on my face. 

“Thanks Taylor, no wonder the world looked so foggy.” I said, rubbing the back of my head. Seeing her like this caught me so off guard that I felt nervous. I saw her look down and back up to me. 

“I didn’t know you smoked.” She said quietly. I looked down to the still lit cigarette between my fingers. I flicked it out of my hand and smashed it with the heel of my shoe.

“I’ve been trying to cut down for a while. Sometimes I just need one.” I replied. “How are you not cold in those shorts?” I said pointing to her legs, which I didn’t mind seeing at all. 

She mumbled an “oh shit”, and said “I’m going to go change and I’ll see you later okay?!” and sped off to her bus running. I let out a laugh and went back on my bus feeling still a little tired. I made my way to my bunk, silently thanking gods I don’t believe in that no one was really around. I kicked off my shoes not bothering to change out of my clothes. Maybe catching a few hours of sleep would help.

—

When I woke up, it was about noon and I had 5 unread messages and a few missed calls. My stomach jumped at the person they had come from. Taylor’s texts seemed urgent with lots of “Ed where are you?! I need to talk to you!” but one caught my eye. 

“Taylor: Your manager said you were sleeping so I’m waiting in the lounge of your bus. I hope you don’t mind.” 

I flipped out of the bunk and made my way to the front. I rubbed my eyes and ruffled my hair when I walked in. There she was, sitting with her hair up in a ponytail, a striped sweater and some blue jeans. She looked stunning yet so laid back compared to her usual dressed up nature. 

“Hey, I hope you don’t mind me waiting here.” She said standing up. “I just didn’t want to bother you if you really needed the sleep. Since you know…a lounge couch isn’t the most comfortable place to sleep” 

“ I actually slept great last night.” I said, giving her a smile. “Sit Taylor, you’re not intruding.” I sat when she did as well. “So what did you need?”

“I was wondering, we’re going to be in Florida tomorrow and I got some passes for Disney world. Do you want to join me and some of the others?” 

“What, hell yeah I do. That sounds great. I’ve never been there. I’ve never been to a big amusement park in my whole life actually.”

“You’re joking!” she said. The look on her face was one of shock. I chuckled and shook my head.

“Oh you have to go now, it’s going to be so much fun!” she said, looking very much excited. She giggled, slapped me on the thigh a couple times and clapped her hands together. She then looked down to her lap and mumbled an “oops.” I smiled and watched her. That’s when I got lost in thought that I didn’t feel the bus start up. 

“Oh shit.” I said. The bus was now driving away. We looked at each other in confusion.

“I guess I’ll have to stay on your bus until we’re in Florida. It’ll only be a few hours.” She said, getting out her phone and texted someone. “I’ll just tell Catlin I’m here so everyone knows where I am.” My stomach sank at the sound of Caitlin’s name. I got up and got my guitar from the corner of the lounge. I then sat back down. 

“Well, to pass the time, do you want to sing some songs with me?” I asked, strumming some chords and plucking some notes. I watched her smile and sit with her legs crossed on the couch. 

“I’d love that.” She simply said, “One of yours, or mine? Or covers?”

I then started playing Kiss Me, and her face instantly told me she knew the song. I sang the first verse, and when the chorus hit, she harmonized with me. Her voice sounded so smooth and gentle with this song. I felt goose-bumps go up my arms because of it. And just like that, I was lost in her voice again for a three hour drive to Florida. I could really get used to this. 

–

That night, I didn’t get much sleep. I was anticipating the day with Taylor and the others. I got about 5 hours of sleep until I eventually gave up. I had to wake up early anyway, so there wasn’t really a point. I showered in the hotel we were in for that night, freshened up, clothed myself, and then anxiously waited for Taylor to text or call me. It seemed like forever until I felt my iphone ding and vibrate in my pocket. 

“come outside, we’re taking a big van there!” 

I jumped up and opened the door of my hotel to see Taylor and come of her dancers standing there. They all greeted me and told me to “come on.” I couldn’t help but feel a little ping of disappointment in my heart. I thought this trip was going to be just me and Taylor. 

I was lost in my thoughts until Taylor’s voice knocked me back into reality. 

“are you excited?! I am. I can’t wait to go to the animal kingdom. It’s probably my favorite. Oh and we can eat our weight in greasy food. I want cotton candy so badly.” She kept going on and on like this that all I could is forget everyone around us and just focus on her. I took this time to observe her features. She had her usual make up on with her winged eyeliner and red lips. She was wearing a white blouse, black high rise shorts, and to my surprise her red Ked’s. I looked down at them and smiled. Something about that made her seem very very cute today. 

“Ed?” Taylor stopped in her tracks. Before I knew it, we were outside of the hotel and in front of a normal looking van that could fit 10 people. 

“Do you want to sit in the back or the front?” she asked me. 

“Oh. Right. Wherever.” 

“Come sit in the back with me then!” 

We all piled up in the van, me and Taylor being the only ones in the back, and we drove to Disney. My stomach was flipping from excitement. Even if there were other people with us, I had more time to spend with Taylor. Plus, I was so ready for from rides and food. 

—

Halfway through the day, I knew I was very much smitten over Taylor. She took me through the whole Magic Kingdom Park. We rode rides and screamed our asses off. She made sure I saw every single detail. It was as if no one else was with us. I could feel my face in a constant smile position and it was starting to hurt but I honestly couldn’t care less. It’s not like it would stop happening until the day was over. I looked down at the picture from the two of us in the front of the Rockin Roller Coaster. Taylor’s face just made me giggle. She was screaming and yet still had a look of excitement. My face on the other hand…not so graceful. 

“ahhh, Ed this is so much fun. Are you ready to see some animals?!” She asked me, jumping up and down a little bit. I let out a chuckle.

“I’m so ready to see some animals.” I said, giving her the most genuine smile. 

As we walked to where the train was going to be, I took in the scenery of the place. America has proven to be the biggest adventure I have been on. Looking back, this has been the happiest I’ve been since…well since before Alice and I broke up. The thought of her is starting to hurt less and less. It still stung and it probably will, but there was something that was dulling the pain oh so sweetly. 

I looked over at Taylor that looked like a happy child. I loved that about her. She could be so mature at most times. So smart and graceful, but she could also appreciate things like this and let go for a while. That’s one of the things that made me realize this feeling even more. There was no more trying to deny it anymore. 

As we boarded the train, I took my seat next to Taylor, her having the window seat. We all got excited as the train slowly started going, queuing the start of the tour. Everything was beautiful. It was the Africa part of the exhibit. We saw so many things, but something had caught Taylor’s eye halfway through the tour. 

“GUYS. GUYS LOOK!” I heard her squeal. She pointed at one of the animals that was just ahead. Up ahead was a giraffe sitting down. 

“I love Giraffes oh my god! Ed please take a picture for me?!” she said handing me her phone to me and she positioned her face in front of the camera, making the giraffe in the background. I took the picture and laughed at how adorable she looked. Her face was in the corner of the picture and she had her mouth open as a big excited smile. 

“here you go Taylor.” I said, showing her the picture. 

“ahhh thank you!” she gently took the phone from me and I watched open the Camera again. 

“Ed, scoot in closer.” She commanded as she held the phone up in the air. I felt awkward being so close but she pulled me up so our cheeks were touching. She wrapped her arm around my neck and snapped a picture. We parted and checked out the picture she just took. 

“I can smell a new lock screen.” She said. I felt my heart flip up 10 million times. I also felt honored since her lock screen for as long as I knew was her precious cat Meredith. 

“You’ll send me that, yeah?” I said, smiling at her. She agreed with a cute nod. 

The rest of the day carried on, well, perfectly. All of us ate, laughed, and had the greatest time. We eventually had to leave to do sound check to the show tonight, so we grabbed some ice cream and booked it to the venue in our van. Taylor and I were in the back of the van again, and I was very much content. This tour was proving to be one of my favorites so far. As I looked out the window, I watched the theme park vanish as we drove. 

“So..ed.” I turned to face Taylor, “you had a good time right?” 

“It was the greatest. Thank you for making sure I got the whole experience.” I said with a smile. I saw her blush and look down at her lap. She then tucked some hair behind her ear. 

“Awh, well anything for you Ed.” She replied.

“can you guys stop flirting back there?!” Scott, one of Taylor’s dancers, yelled from the front, “I can smell the cute from over here.” I instantly facepalmed as the rest of the group shared a laugh, but Taylor didn’t seem to be laughing. Her face was down and her cheeks were even more flushed than before. I patted her on the shoulder and she looked over at me.

“Ah guys, give us a break, you know we’re just best friends.” I said, as hard as it was to say, it needed to be said. I didn’t want Taylor to have to deal with this. She gave me a smile and her eyes made it evident that it was appreciated. 

I looked back out the window with a sad smile on my face, my words echoing in my head. 

“we’re just best friends.”


	8. seven.

The next few weeks of the tour were taking its toll on me slowly. I had a few of my own shows to play, meet and greets, radio shows and just general promotional things to do. I hadn’t had much free time. And as expected, Taylor was just as busy as I was. The night before in the Club Red, I heard her say something to a fan about Ked’s and a new perfume she had been working on. One thing I really did admire about Taylor was her hard-working spirit. 

The next show wasn’t for about a few days but I was looking forward to it for a long while. Detroit was coming up. It’s going to be the biggest American crowd I’ve ever played so far, and just that can make you nervous. The last time I played in Detroit it was ten times the amount of the people that will be in Ford Field. 

Aside from that, ever since that van ride home from Disney, Taylor has been acting weird towards me. I couldn’t figure it out. That show that night, I couldn’t keep my eyes off of her while she was singing because of the fact that she wouldn’t look at me. Her hugs after the song though were getting longer and longer. I didn’t know if it was a good thing or a bad thing.

For now though, we were all in a hotel together, except for Taylor, who had been in LA for work. The thought of her being far away right now made me feel lost. I’ve texted her today but haven’t gotten a response yet. So here I was in my hotel room, no motivation to go out and see what everyone else was doing, sipping on my second beer of the afternoon. I also had a DVD playing on the tv but I wasn’t paying attention to it. 

To my surprise, I heard a knock on my door. Confused and curious, I got up and quickly to answer it. When I looked through the peek hole, I was even more confused. As I opened the door, Clarice, one of the dancers locked eyes with me and gave me a huge smile. 

“Hey! How are you?!” she said, “Are you busy at all?” 

“Oh, not at all. I have a DVD playing and that’s about it” I replied, “what’s up?” 

“I was just wondering if you wanted to hang out a little bit?” she asked, twirling her hair in between her fingers. I nodded and let her in. She made herself very much at home, plopping herself on the unmade bed. 

“You’re watching Grey’s Anatomy?” she asked, pointing to the tv. I let out a little chuckle.

“ahh yeah. Taylor and I exchanged favorite shows. She gave me her DVD’s and I told her to watch Game of Thrones.”

Clarice’s face crumpled up and I felt my eyebrow rise up in confusion. Uh..what?

“So um…you want to go get a drink with me downstairs instead and…I don’t know, talk?” she said, twirling her hair again. That must be a nervous habit of hers. 

“Right on.” I said, stopping the DVD for later. “Let’s go.” 

And that, we did. 

And surprisingly I was having a fun time. We talked for about two hours about nothing and everything. She was a lovely girl. She was very bubbly, giggly and funny. She asked me about where I grew up and more of my musical background and I was happy to tell her. She was very easy to talk to. And not to mention I was getting a little tipsy. 

But I didn’t feel like getting too plastered since I had to get up early for some interviews, so we made our way back upstairs. As we walked back, we talked more. 

“You know Ed, all the girls on this tour probably are so smitten over you.” Clarice said, stopping in front of her hotel. Her comment caught me off guard . I felt myself let out a nervous laugh and shook my head. 

“No I mean it! I think you’re darling.” She said hiding her face in front of her hair. I honestly didn’t know what to say. I ruffled my hair out of embarrassment. 

“Will we hang out again?” she asked, looking up at me with big eyes. 

“Of course, you know I’ll be around, you know.” I said giving her a smile. She went in for a hug and I was hesitant, but I gave her one back. She let go, she bid me good night, and I started to walk away. Something then caught my eye. 

In the hallway a little far up from me was Taylor. She looked like she just got off a long plane ride. She was wearing sweats and a hoodie. When I noticed what hoodie it was, I smiled. It was one of my hoodies that we traded together. But when my eyes reached hers, something was off. My stomach dropped at how unhappy she looked. I instantly walked to meet her. 

When she saw I was coming to meet her, she walked faster. When she got closer, I knew something was wrong. I opened my arms to hug her and she clashed into me hard. My stomach dropped more. 

“Taylor.” I said quietly, rubbing her back. “Taylor, are you okay?”

She pulled away and looked at me. She was smiling but her eyes didn’t match. 

“Yeah, I’m okay. Just tired. Long day, you know?” she said. “Now I can see why you didn’t respond to my texts. You and Clarice, huh?” she smirked and nudged my shoulder.   
“It’s nothing like that or anything. Just friends you know.” 

“Well she’s a pretty girl. That one time we got hibachi, she seemed very interested.” She looked down at her phone. “but hey, when you get your phone again? Ignore my texts. I was confused now. She looked like she was going to burst into tears. But her words and smile were throwing me off. 

“oh, why?” I asked. 

“Just please. For me.” She said. “But I’m going to go to bed now. Early morning.” I nodded and hugged her one last time. She waved and went off to her room back the other way. I made my way back to my room and kicked off my shoes. I plopped on the fluffy bed and felt my phone vibrate somewhere. When I retrieved it, I was shocked to see how many messages I had. Three of them were from Taylor. 

“Ed, are you awake? I’m on the way to the hotel. I want to see you.”

“You must be sleeping then. I’ll see you tomorrow?” 

“Do you mind if I possibly wake you up by pounding on your door…? Only if you don’t mind.”

Shit. 

I texted her. 

“Taylor, I’m so sorry. If you need me, I’m here. You know that.” 

After not getting a reply for about 30 minutes, I decided that she was sleeping and I felt defeated and guilty. I was sitting in the dark back to watching Grey’s Anatomy again feeling guilty. My phone went off and I jumped to it just to be kind of disappointed.

“Had fun tonight. Can’t wait to hang out again. J”

I had forgotten that I gave Clarice my number tonight. I let out a sigh, not even bothering to reply. I think it was time to sleep and to forget for a while. I let the DVD play in the background as I cuddled into the covers and slipped into sleep.

—-

Detroit was so fucking amazing. The arena sound was the best sound I had ever heard ever. It was the happiest feeling seeing and hearing a big crowd like that. I was sitting backstage waiting for Taylor to sing 22 so I could sneak off and get to the b-stage for our song, but until then, I was sitting and listening to the crowd rumble walls with their screams. 

I honestly have no idea how tonight would go. Taylor totally ignored my text and acted like it didn’t even happen in person. It didn’t help that I didn’t see much of her on this break. I felt a little lost. I almost felt like I was being avoided. That wasn’t a good feeling to think. I don’t want to be avoided by the person I might be perusing. I let out a sigh. 

No, we’re just best friends. That’s all. 

“Ed, it’s your call.” 

It was now time for me to sneak my way over to the b-stage. I huffed, got up and I was guided to the sound board. Taylor was on the last chorus of 22 and I sang along. Damn I love that song. As the song rung out the crowd went wild. I smiled and I was given my guitar. As I waited, I watched Taylor start the wildcard song of the night. 

“So I was looking on twitter and someone wanted to hear this song. And this one is about how in a relationship, some people like to state their opinion. They have to have their fair share of it all. I can only imagine how hard it is to have a relationship last. I wouldn’t know but…if you love someone that much, no one else’s words matter. It’s not their relationship, it’s yours. This song is called Ours.” 

I smiled at her speech. She sounded so amazing tonight. She also looked happy. The stage circled around and she saw me and locked eyes. I saw her face fall a little bit at the site of me and it made my stomach flip in a weird way. Maybe she really is avoiding me. 

She ended Ours and now it was time for me to come out. She called me out and I made my way up. The crowd was screaming so loud that I took a moment to soak it in. I put my ear buds in as we began the song. 

“Ed Sheeran, ladies and gentleman!” she pointed at me and I started strumming. 

As she sang, she looked over at me. I watched her back, of course. Tonight was very very different. For the first time this whole tour, it was as if she was singing those words right into me. I was so memorized by her look. She looked even more amazing tonight. So I did the one thing I could do right now. I sang my verse so genuinely as I could right back to her. She never took her eyes off of me. It was almost making me uncomfortable. But in that crazy way where you just can’t get enough of it. 

The song ended and I almost wanted to go up to her and kiss her. But then I remembered I was in a room filled with 50,000 people. I went in for our usual hug but held on a little longer and rubbed her back a little bit. I gave her one more glance, looked at the crowd, and got off the stage. I then made my way back backstage. I really needed a drink then.

–

After Taylor was finally done, I was on my second beer. We did Club Red and met some fans, and now it was time for us to pack up and get on buses again. Before that though, Clarice stopped me outside where the buses were. I heard her calling my name from behind me as I was walking. I stopped and she reached me. 

“Oh hey Clarice.” I said. I really didn’t want to talk to anyone though. I felt too weird and drunk. 

“Hi ed.” She said batting her eyelashes at me. “you were great tonight. Did you have fun?”

“Oh yeah it was great.” I said, “lots of fun.” 

“Well I know you must be tired though so, I just wanted to give you something.”   
“Oh?” I said, confused. 

She then got up on her tippy toes and gave me a kiss on the lips. I didn’t move. I didn’t respond. I didn’t even breathe. I felt my heart start speeding up. She moved away from me and smirked. 

“well, goodnight Ed.” She winked, waved, and ran back to the dancers’ buses. 

I shook my head and looked around. I then felt even more shocked. 

Caitlin and Taylor were standing next to their bus, looking like they saw the whole scene happen. Taylor’s face look like she just had her heart broken. Caitlin was rubbing Taylor’s back and saying something to her. Taylor then smiled, her eyes again not matching her sweet smile. She waved, gave me a thumbs up, and her and Cait walked into their bus. Caitlin looked back at me and gave me a look of sadness and almost…disappointment. She then slammed the bus door. 

Well, fuck me.


	9. eight.

For the past few days, I’ve been feeling down. When I wasn’t kept busy with work, I was being avoided by Taylor, or at least it felt that way. I’ve texted her many times and she would respond with “I’m sorry Ed, I’ll talk to you soon okay?!” It was really getting me down because she wouldn’t talk to me later. I felt like a teenager waiting for my crush to notice me. I laughed at the thought. 

Clarice on the other hand, would constantly text me. We would talk, but I was ignoring the fact that she kissed me. Her flirty texts were making me feel very uncomfortable. I didn’t know how to tell her to stop. I didn’t want to hurt the girl’s feelings. 

My mind has also been wandering lately. I’m dreading the end of the US tour. I’ve decided that if I’m going to get my new album out before my time limit, I can’t be touring. We all agreed that I wouldn’t be touring after the US shows are done. I’m going to Nashville to hide away to write and record. I was very excited for the next chapter in my life, but I was dreading the end of my time as Taylor’s opener. I’ve had the most fun ever and I wasn’t ready to leave Taylor yet. My heart hurts at the thought. 

“Ed, we’re ready for your sound check.” 

I sighed, and got up and made my way to the empty venue. I looked out at the large room. Texas has seemed to be very hot and I’m glad that I’m in an air conditioned place. I played my guitar so they could check the levels, sang into the mic and went on with it with no emotions. When they were done with me, I made my way off the stage. I could feel my mood getting lower and lower and I didn’t like it. The last time I felt something like this, I got shit drunk and smashed a glass table out of anger and sadness. 

“Ed…?” 

When I was making my way off stage, I didn’t even realize that Taylor was standing there the whole time. She must’ve been watching me. Shit fuck I didn’t realize. 

“Oh, hey Taylor.” I said, not looking her in the eye. “Sound check, yeah?” 

“Um..yeah.” I could see that she was picking at her nail polish. One of her many cute habits. 

“I’ve missed you” I said, looking her in the eye. She looked taken back at my words and blinked at me with her big blue eyes. 

“I’ve missed you so much.” She said smiling, letting out a breathless giggle. She then went in for a hug. “I’m sorry I’ve been MIA for a little bit. I had so much going on. Work, my whole family coming out for Mother’s day. All of that. I haven’t been ignoring you, I promise okay?”

“Taylor, we’re ready for your sound check.” 

“Ahhhh, okay!” she yelled back to the crew. “Ed, let’s hang out tonight okay? I think…I have some songs to show you.” She said, she looked down at her shoes and back up to me. 

“Of course.” I simply said, I could feel how happy I was in my cheeks. 

Her eyes lit up in the most perfect way. 

“Okay! See you tonight!” I watched her skip out to the stage. I chuckled and watched her. My mood was already long forgotten.

–

I was sitting at the sound booth waiting for Taylor to sing the wildcard song of the night. Tonight, it was like Taylor was on fire. She was extra feisty on stage. She was full of energy tonight. I watched as one of the crew members brought out her mic stand and red stool chair. She sat down, put the mic in the stand, and she was then given her guitar and a guitar pick. She then started strumming some chords and began to talk. 

“So this is the part of the show where I kind of leave a spot to play something you guys want to hear. I check all the social networking, you know. And someone wanted to hear this one because, she feels like the person she loves doesn’t even knows she exists. It’s one feeling I used to feel a lot when I was in school, and I didn’t quite hit the high peek of puberty.” She let out a little giggle at her comment. I smiled. “But um, when you love someone and they don’t know, it can eat away at you. There’s that what if factor. What if I tell them and they don’t feel the same? It can be one of the scariest feelings. But it’s a good thing to speak up and say what you feel before it’s too late, even if it’s in a love song. So, this song is about that. This is called Superstar.” 

I watched as the crowd screamed and she played the chords out. The stage started to lift and rotate as she began to sing. I began to sing along with her and the crowd, I secretly fancied this song, a lot. When the stage rotated to face where I was, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. She was looking out into the crowd, but then I saw her look down at me. 

“So dim that spotlight, tell me things like, I can’t take my eyes off of you. I’m no one special, just another wide-eyed girl that’s desperately in love with you.” 

she then looked back up at the crowd. Fuck, I got chills from that. I could see something in her eyes that I couldn’t really wrap my head around. Sadness, anger, longing and happiness all in one. That’s what it looked like. That’s what it felt like. I could feel my arm hairs stick up and I was stuck in place at where we locked eyes. I was then nudged by the crew to give me my guitar and get my ear buds ready. Before I knew it, the song was almost over. 

“Give me a photograph to hang up on my wall, superstar.” The crowd went crazy and she looked around and I saw her laugh. 

“Thank you so much you guys,” she said. She got up and gave up her guitar and stool for her next guitar. “Now, are you guys ready for some Ed Sheeran?” 

And with that, there was my queue.

–

I was on an after show high after that. Everyone killed it tonight. Everyone could feel that energy in the air as we all celebrated after the show. But soon, we were off to Club Red for the night, then going back to the hotel rooms. It was going by way too slow for me. As I looked around the room of the Club Red, these two girls came up to me. I smiled and greeted them. 

“Oh my god ed, I love you so much. You were great tonight!”

“Aw, thank you, I’m glad you had a fun tonight. It was an amazing show.” 

“yeah! It was!” the other girl bursted. “You and Taylor really need to make more musical babies together.” I let out a laugh at that comment. I couldn’t argue about that though, I certainly agreed. 

I took pictures with the girls, hugged them, and before I realized, the room was empty of fans. I sighed, feeling a little tired. But remembering that Taylor wanted to show me a song tonight made me pep up a little bit. Soon, the rest of us were on our way to the hotel. 

Taylor and I walked to her hotel room, which was empty tonight. Hm, strange. She usually shares with Caitlin. They are usually inseparable. She unlocked the door and let me into the room. I instantly made myself at home. I was becoming more and more comfortable in front of Taylor and I don’t know if that could be considered a bad thing. I sat on the bed and I noticed the 12 string in the corner and the paper all over the bed near the pillows. She collected them and put them in a pile. 

“I kind of finished it right before it was time for soundcheck.” She said, sounding strangely nervous. I watched her walk over to the guitar and come sit back to me. I took this time to admire the beautiful instrument she was playing. It was a Taylor brand with a custom fretboard with her name graved into it. She started strumming a little bit. 

“Are you ready to hear it? It’s a little rough, but I just need an opinion that isn’t Caitlin or my mother’s.” she said rolling her eyes and giggling her words. I chuckled with her and nodded.

“Lay it on me.” I simply said. I watched her get into that zone that I have seen a few times when we would write together. She started out plucking the strings and they echoed out beautifully through out the room. She then started singing. 

When I see you, I see me  
Holding you tight with our hands clasped   
When you see me, I hope I’m not like sheets   
Hung up on a window dimming summer heat  
It’s just a spark, but it’s something 

And when the feeling sinks in  
I realize what this is, what this is 

I’m caught up and caving in  
You’re making your way into my skin  
I’m floating up into the stars  
Head up in the clouds  
And, I’m coming undone  
But I know this is just another song, unsung mm, mm 

There was a pause and then she started palm muting her strums. 

When I see her, I see you  
Falling so hopelessly   
When I see you, your eyes lights up  
And I try so hard not to give up  
On this daydream I’ve been weaving

And when the feeling sinks in,  
I know what this is, what this is 

I’m caught up and caving in  
You’re making your way into my skin  
I’m floating up into the stars   
Head up in the clouds   
And, I’m coming undone  
But I know this is just another song, unsung 

She then started strumming her whole heart into it. I could feel her words in her voice. 

And what if I got the nerve to tell you  
how much you’ve been on my mind   
and what if I finally stoop up and spoke  
about how you’re one of a kind 

She looked right at me for a second and sang a little line at me 

But I know what this is…

I’m caught up and caving in  
You’re making your way into my skin  
I’m floating up into the stars  
Head up in the clouds  
But I’m coming undone  
I know this is just another song, unsung

she then plucked out the outro of the song, looking at me

I’m caving in cuz,  
You’re under my skin….

The last chord rung out into the room and then settling into the silence we were in. I couldn’t move. My heart was pounding so hard that I could hear it in my ears. The song was everything I’ve been feeling for the past three months of this tour. Our eyes were locked and she looked like she wasn’t moving either. I then felt the strong need to kiss her. I stared at her lips. She was biting her bottom lip. I felt myself leaning in and looking her in the eyes. She then cleared her throat and I instantly snapped back to where I was. I prayed she didn’t notice that, shit. She set the guitar down leaning up against the side of the bed. 

“So, um…what did you think?” she asked. Her voice was shaky and I could see her hands also shaking. 

“I loved it Taylor. It had a very haunting vibe. I loved that line in the first verse. The summer heat one.” I said. I saw her smile. 

“Really? It’s not too rough?” she asked, clapping her hands together. 

“No, it’s great. I mean it.” I said. 

“Thank you! I was so nervous, I didn’t feel like asking anyone else but you to hear it.” 

“what’s it called?” I asked. 

“Under My Skin, I think.” She replied, sighing. We then sat in silence again. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. Her lyrics were slowly haunting me. My heart began to flip and the butterflies in my stomach were fluttering hard. My mind then clicked two and two together. What if…that was about me? No, no fucking way. Not about me at all. But everything fit. 

No, we’re just best friends. And that was that. She doesn’t feel the same about me as I do about her. No fucking way. My phone buzzed and that snapped me back to reality. I checked my screen to see it was a text from Clarice. I then sighed and put my phone on the bed next to me. 

“You’re not going to text her back…?” I turned my head to Taylor. Her eyes now looked sad again, just like that night at the buses. I grimaced. I never wanted to see that look again and yet, there it was. 

“Clarice is a sweet girl but…”

“But…?”

I then decided to make a little jump here with my wording 

“I’ve had someone in mind for months now. She isn’t that person.” I said, my heart racing. I then looked up at Taylor and her eyes seemed…sad but a mix of something else. 

“Oh? A new muse?” she asked looking at her lap. 

“Yes, most certainly.” I said. I then yawned. “shit I didn’t realize I was so tired.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty beat myself.” She said, standing up and stretching. “Shall we call it a night?” 

“mmm, yeah.” I got up, grabbed my phone and went to go hug her. She crashed into me and I soaked up the embrace. 

“Thank you for listening to my song.” Her voice was muffled by talking into my shoulder. I let go and nodded. I made my way to the door. I looked back at her. 

“Night Taylor.”

“Night Ed.” 

I exited the room and closed the door quietly. I then leaned up against it. Her song was echoing in and out and in and out again. I inhaled slowly and exhaled to calm myself. I then knew what I needed to do soon before it was too late. 

I needed to tell her.


	10. nine.

This weekend, we had made our ways back in Vegas. My mind was very very foggy for my nerves. This weekend was the Billboard Music Awards. I will be performing my new single in the states. As this was a very exciting opportunity, I was nervous about one thing: fitting in. 

Now it sounded ridiculous to me, so I didn’t share my concern with anyone else. But I just didn’t seem like I could really fit into the award show scene. Glamorous photo shoots, red carpets, gowns and suits, huge celebrity gift baskets and goody bags. Every time I go to one of these award shows, I feel like I’m stepping out of my comfort zone. The Grammy’s had to be the most nerve-wracking one I have been to. It’s something every artist dreams about, but for me I honestly didn’t think I would be the kind of artist to be invited to such things, let alone performing and being nominated. I don’t know, maybe it was all in my head and I have no self-esteem whatsoever. 

Tonight was rehearsal night for all of the artists performing. Along with me performing, Taylor was opening the show with 22. I was very excited to see that go underway. She had told me the idea she had for it today over texts and it sounded like a typical amazing Taylor Swift performance to me.

I had already rehearsed and I was sitting in the big room that the awards were going to be in. Taylor was on stage in what she was wearing tomorrow night for the performance. She was talking to everyone and I was watching her use her hands to explain something to one of her dancers. I was sipping on water when I heard someone call my name.

“Ed!” I turned to see Andrea, Taylor’s mum, waving at me looking very happy and excited. I smiled and opened my arms wide for a hug. 

“It’s good to see you Andrea” I said, pulling away. 

“I missed you Ed, how are you? How’s tour treating you?” 

“It’s good, as always.” I said, gesturing to the front row of chairs. We sat down and watched as everyone got ready for Taylor’s rehearsal. I watched as everyone got into position when Taylor’s face lit up. 

“HI MOM!!!” she yelled down to us. She then waved obnoxiously. We both laughed and Andrea waved back. Then the music started playing. As expected, the performance was 100% authentic Taylor Swift material. I watched her dance and sing and I sang along. What can I say, 22 was my fucking jam. 

Taylor looked so happy and excited to be where she was. When the rehearsal was done, she was jumping up and down and I could hear her say words like “so excited” and “oh my god!” I chuckled and watched her shining bright up there. 

“So Ed,” I turned to Andrea who was looking at me intently, I took a sip of my water and said “hmm?”  
“When are you going to tell my daughter about your feelings for her?”

I started to choke on my water and had to spit out half of it on the ground. Andrea patted me on the back as I continued to choke due to water going down the wrong way. 

“Excuse me?” I said between coughs. How in the fuck did she know?! 

“Oh honey, like a mother doesn’t know.” She said rolling her eyes. She patted my on the back some more. I felt my eyes ready to pop out of my face and my cheeks were on fire. Oh for fuck sake. I honestly feel like my face was a mess right now. My eyes felt wide, my jaw was wide open and I’m pretty sure my face looked like a tomato. Andrea busted out laughing. 

“So I’m right then? I could tell by the way you light up when she’s around. I see your eyes honey. You’re in love aren’t you?” 

I swallowed hard. Fuck. Is this really happening? I’m waiting for the floor to suck me in and swallow me whole. Andrea just patted on me on the back one last time before she got up and walked up to the stage to go meet with her daughter. 

I sat there slumped back in my chair. Am I really that obvious? Am I really like see-through? Did everyone see? Oh god, could Taylor see right through me? I groaned, feeling myself beginning to panic. I rested my elbows on my knees and held my face in my hands. Oh shit this is NOT happening. No, calm down. Calm down! 

“Um…Ed?” 

I looked up, dreading to see who it was. Taylor was standing in front of me looking very confused and concerned. I sat up quickly and couldn’t look her in the eye, so I looked at her legs. No wait fuck, no don’t look at the legs! 

I stood up and mumbled something about going to a bathroom and quickly made my way out of the main room. I felt myself panicking even more. Shit. I can’t even look at her. I keep thinking “what if?” what if she does know. What if she knew this whole time? Ugh…

I decided this was good time for me to go lock myself in a hotel room and watch DVD’s and sleep. Yep. I’m going to do that. Time to hide out until I’m needed.

—

I had fallen asleep for seemed like days. When I woke up I didn’t want to move. I was curled up in a ball with pillows all around me. I groaned when I felt my phone vibrate near my feet. Using my lazy skills, I kicked my phone up to me. When I saw what time it was I instantly regretted falling asleep. It was about 10 pm. But what alerted me the most was the amount of texts I had from Taylor. 

“Ed, I heard you weren’t feeling well. I hope you feel better so you can still be my plus one!” 

“oh and I hope my mom didn’t say something to make you feel weird. She always seems to do that to all of my guy friends! Hah!”

“She didn’t….right?” 

I smiled. But then I remembered, Andrea did say something “weird” to me. I decided against telling her what her mum asked me. I sighed and texted her back. 

“Hey Taylor. I’m okay now. I just needed some rest I guess. I wasn’t feeling too hot. We are for sure going together tomorrow night. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” 

I assumed she would be asleep by now. It was a big day tomorrow. I got up, found some Nyquil and drank some of it to make me sleepy. I plopped into the bed again finding my safe haven, and passed out once again.

—

I woke up in the morning at about…11:30. I was still drowsy and desperately needed a drink of coffee. Red carpet wasn’t for about eight hours and I had a lot of time to kill. I instantly checked twitter to see what was going on. I sighed. Everyone was talking about who’s going to be wearing what, and I honestly had no intention of dressing up this time around. It just didn’t seem that important to me, is all. But I bet everyone is going to look amazing, Taylor especially. She was always dressed to impress. 

She didn’t text me back yet, but it did say she read my message at about three am. Hm, I wonder what’s up. Oh well. I decided to get up and make myself presentable. I grabbed a quick shower, put some actual clothes on, and made my way downstairs to the lounge where they had their own Starbucks. I got one of those frilly frozen drinks with the whipped cream on it with a shot of espresso in it. I also got myself a muffin that I was overly excited about. I sighed and sat myself by a window, looking out at the busy streets of Vegas. 

“Hey Ed.” 

I turned to across the table I was sitting at to see Taylor sat down with me. She had her hair up in a ponytail her hair and no makeup on. She also had a frilly frozen drink but hers looked like a vanilla flavor. I smiled at her, very happy to see her.

“How are you?” I asked, she looked very tired but happy to be awake right now. 

“Excited, nervous and happy all in one!” she said looking down at the table. 

“You a Frappuccino kind of guy, huh?” she said, pointing at my drink. I felt myself blush and I let out a chuckle. 

“They’re good okay? Do you want to share this muffin with me? It’s blueberry.” I asked, already ripping it in half. I gave her the bigger half. She said thank you and ate with me. We instantly started talking about everything and anything. I loved this part of our friendship, conversation was never a forced thing. 

“So, I’m looking forward to meeting Selena finally.” I said sipping on my drink. Taylor’s voice lit up. 

“You’re going to love her. She’s so much fun at award shows.” She smiled, “I’m glad Charity is her plus one and not Justin.” Her face scrunched up. 

“Oh? Not feeling Jenela anymore there Swift?” I asked.

“He wasn’t good to her. I support her in whatever she does because I love her, but I don’t exactly approve.” 

I nodded my head, not really having anything to say on the matter. I didn’t really know them or the situation and it wasn’t my business to know. I watched Taylor look down at her phone. 

“Shit, I have to go, but I’ll see you in an hour okay?! Red carpet time!” she said getting up from the table, taking her drink with her. I looked down at my own phone and realized hours passed by just from talking to her. I let out a happy sigh. We always knew how to kill time.

—

I was waiting downstairs in the lobby of the hotel for Taylor. It was time for us to go to the red carpet and do some pre-show interviewing. I was dressed in my usual baggy pants with a dark blue sweater. I could tell already that I was going to be outshined by everyone at this award show. I nervously waited for her, pacing about around the doors of the hotel. When I saw her when the elevator door opened, I was stopped in my tracks. I looked her up and down. Damn. 

She was wearing this blue dress with sleeves, which was very very short. Her legs looked bomb. Damn. Her hair was up in her usual ponytail and her makeup matched the color of her dress. Lastly, she was wearing these stiletto shoes. She had a wallet purse to go. I could feel myself drooling. Well on the inside at least. When she saw me, she waved. She greeted me with a little hug  
“Taylor…” I said, looking her up and down one last time. “You look stunning” 

“Oh wow. Thank you.” She said looking down. “You look not bad yourself. With our matching colors!” she let out a giggle. I chuckled. 

“Ready to go?!” she said as we walked out to our limo. We left to go to the show, which I was excited and nervous to see what would go down.

–

Tonight was, well, fucking amazing. Taylor ended up winning eight out of eleven awards. She was happy as a clam that night. She was amazing. I had performed and it was a good feeling seeing the whole place light up with lights. She may have not won the milestone award, but she told me she didn’t really care. She was happy that Red was getting the recognition it deserved. I could tell this totally made up for the not winning anything at her last award show. It was good to see her happy.

It was after the show now, and we were off to get some dinner with Selena. Justin seemed to have vanished after the show, which I didn’t mind at all. Even before I met him, I knew he would be a tool. I chuckled at the thought of Miley’s reaction to him winning the milestone award. She looked straight up pissed. 

Selena was a lovely girl, as expected. I could see why she and Taylor were best friends. She was so full of life just like Taylor. We were laughing and talking about nothing as we ate our food. I was really enjoying myself, but Selena said she had to go early out back to LA tonight. I gave her a hug and told her this won’t be the last time we see each other. I also gave her my number.

Taylor and I left the restaurant and made our way back to the hotel. She had ditched the heels for some flats. She had them in her hands. 

“Hey, do you want to go get a drink to celebrate and then hang out on the patio thing they have here?” she asked. I nodded and she led us to the bar in the lobby. We got our drinks and she led us to the patio. I had a beer and she had a glass of red wine. We leaned up against the rails they had up. The stars were nice tonight. I heard Taylor let out a sigh.

“I’m so happy.” She simply said. 

“well you should be, you were amazing tonight. Amazing performance. Eight awards. Tonight was your night.” I held up my beer to her and we clanked our drinks together. “To you” She smiled at me. I once again couldn’t keep my eyes off of her. Now, we drink. And drink. And drink some more.

–

I woke up, not remembering how I got back to my room. I groaned holding my head in my hands. Hangover. Oh fuck I went overboard last night. I tried to remember last night. Okay. Taylor and I on the patio. And then Caitlin came and got us for a surprise party. And then….I remember nothing. Shit. What happened?!

I got up, and saw Grant next to me awake. He looked at me and instantly laughed. 

“Hey buddy, how are you?” 

“Hungover, how about you?” I said, instantly looking around for my phone. “I don’t remember shit.” 

“wait, what? You don’t remember anything? Ed, ed stop.” I looked over to him and he looked concerned. 

“oh god, what did I do Grant. Was I a asshole?” 

“Oh no…quite the opposite.” My stomach dropped. What could I have possibly done? 

“You don’t remember anything, right? Nothing at all.” 

“Grant please just tell me what I did.”

“You don’t remember what you said to Taylor…?” he looked scared to tell me. My stomach dropped. My heart was racing. Oh god.

“Tell me grant! Please!” 

“Well you kind of…told her how you’ve been in love with her for the past few months…” he looked away from me. “I mean, it was obvious to everyone else but Taylor, until now. I just thought you would be able to tell her sober.” 

I could feel myself shaking. I was staring at Grant. I couldn’t move. I then plopped back on the pillow, making my headache worse. 

But nothing could beat the feeling of my life slowly falling apart right in front of me.


	11. ten.

_“Hey guys!” Taylor and I turned to see Caitlin, Grant coming up to us on the patio. We all shared hugs and congratulations._

_“Taylorrrr, I knew tonight would be your night!” Caitlin hugged Taylor, “We have a surprise for you. Come on.”_

_“Oh guys, you didn’t have to do anything” Taylor said, being dragged by the hand by Caitlin. We all followed behind them._

_“Yes we did,” Grant said, “You know how you’ve been feeling about the ACM’s, and now you finally got the recognition you rightly deserved. Even if asshole Bieber won that award.” His face scrunched up, making me laugh._

_“Oh Grant, its fine. You know that.” Taylor said, looking back at us. We made our way into the elevator and went up to the floor that our rooms were on. Caitlin then went to her room and opened up the door. We were welcomed in by all of Taylor and I’s crew, her dancers, everyone. Caitlin had set up a party with food and my favorite, booze. There was a banner up on the wall that said “congrats Taylor! We love you!” There was music playing and everyone was dancing._

_“When did you guys get that?!” Taylor said. Caitlin shrugged her shoulders._

_“I’ve had it made for a while now!” Caitlin let out a laugh and went into the party. Taylor looked over to me and let out a laugh._

_“Did you know about this?!” she said to me, I shook my head no and we made our way through the dancing people. We grabbed drinks and sat on the couch and watched the group. Caitlin then emerged with shot glasses and cake vodka._

_“Ed! Shots!” she said, pouring us all shots. Caitlin, Taylor and I said cheers and took our shots. I then remember doing that a few more times. And when I say a few more, I mean about 10 more times._

_“Taylor! BODY SHOT!” Caitlin then lied on the coffee table in front of us and poured vodka into her belly button. I then watched Taylor bend over and suck the drink out and cheer. Caitlin then let out a laugh. I watched with my eyes wide open. Taylor looked at me and covered her mouth. All I could do is stare and hold back my nervous laugh._

_Caitlin vanished again into the dancing group to join them. I then took another shot, watching everyone else around me. I let out a happy sigh. This was an amazing tour. I’ve never been this happy as I was right now. The sound of Calvin Harris’s song I Need Your Love busted through the air and the room seemed to get a little crazy. Taylor started to dance in her seat next to me._

_“Let’s dance!” she said, bouncing to her feet. I got nervous then, I wasn’t much of a dancer.  
“Maybe I should skip out on this one.”_

_“Awh, come on, for me?!” she said, giving me a pout._

_“ahhhh fine, for you.”_

_We got up and joined the little group and I didn’t know what to do. Taylor was dancing and singing the lyrics to me. She let her hair down so she could flip it around. She then looked at me and shook my shoulders._

_“Loosen up Ed! Just move!” she said jumping still. I began to jump with her a little. I let myself let go and actually had fun dancing with her. I watched her shake her hips and I had the urge to hold them. She got closer to me as she sang the lyrics to me. I could hear her voice over the music._

_“I need your love, I need your time, when everything’s wrong, you make it right. I feel so high, I come alive, I need to be free with you tonight”_

_She put her arms around my neck and I froze up. She was looking me right in the eye, giving me a sly look. I awkwardly put my hands on her side. She then moved my hands to my hips and I could feel my face warm up. Shit I needed another drink to calm myself down._

_And that’s what I did, well. I had like…a lot of beers. I had lost count an hour into this party. Taylor and I continued to dance and drink. After a long while I was started to feel the alchochol and I announced I needed a little break. Taylor and I found the couch once again and plopped down._

_“See, I knew you could dance,” she said, putting her drink down._

_“I’m drunk, and so are you, so you must be deceived.” I said, letting out a laugh. She giggled at me._

_“Well, maybe I am a little tipsy, but I know a good dancer when I see one.” She said, sinking into the couch even more. I took her in, just staring. My heart swelled up with butterflies and I had the urge to speak about what was on my mind._

_“Taylor, you’re so lovely.” I blurted, leaning my head back, still looking at her. She looked to me, our faces in the same place. Her eyes were sparkling and she had a smile that was making me melt._

_“Well, thanks Ed. You’re lovely too.” She said, letting out a giggle._

_“no, like, you’re really really, lovely…I think you’re great.”_

_“Ed…what are you saying.”  
“I really love you Taylor. I mean, really love you. I’ve loved you since we wrote songs on your trampoline. But please don’t tell anyone. Don’t even tell yourself. It hurts to think I could ruin this friendship.” _

 

“….and that’s when you passed out and Taylor got up and went into her own hotel room.” 

As Grant told me what had really happened, I was holding my head in my hands. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. This was bad. Really bad. What was I going to do? Ignore it? Should I confront her about it? Should I just forget about it forever like nothing ever happened?

“What do I do Grant…? What do I do?!” I said, looking to him for guidance. He patted me on the back and sighed. 

“I don’t know man. I told Caitlin and asked her to tell me if she mentions anything about it. But until then, I would just leave this to me and Caitlin. We got this.” And with that, Grant left me to wallow in my sadness and embarrassment.

–

The whole day, I didn’t see Taylor at all. I did sound check, I missed the group pow wow before because I was avoiding Taylor. I opened up the show, and now I was here at the sound booth watching Taylor sing the wildcard song of the night. I was nervous as ever. I don’t know how this was going to work out. My nerves were getting to me. Taylor started singing and playing a song that caught me off guard. The stage started to rise and rotate. The lyrics of Teardrops echoed around me from her and the crowd. The first verse hurt my heart in a beautiful way. When she hit the chorus, she was facing me. She looked down at me and I could see the feelings in her eyes. 

“He’s the reason for the teardrops on my guitar, the only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star. He’s the song in the car I keep singing, I don’t know why I do.”

 

She then smiled at me the same way that she smiled at me when she saw Clarice kiss me. My stomach sunk at the thought. 

Taylor’s vocals on this song brought me back to reality. She was really belting out on this song. I could tell she was really feeling it tonight. She belted out the last chorus and I watched in awe. Soon, she was done, and it was time for me to go up. She called me up and I felt tense, but she looked like nothing was wrong. I was starting to think it was all in my head. 

And with that, it was the end of the show. Taylor acted how she normally did on stage. I was feeling confused, maybe she really didn’t remember? Or she was ignoring it? I let out a sigh, the only way I would ever know is if I asked her, and I don’t think I was ready for that. 

I was outside of the dressing rooms in the back of the venue, getting ready to go back to the hotel and pack up, when I heard familiar voices in front of me. I hid behind some storage boxes so I couldn’t be seen. 

“Taylor, Taylor just please.” Caitlin was walking behind Taylor, who looked like she was on the verge of crying. 

“Taylor, just please talk to me, what is going on lately? I’ve been catching you crying. I know you don’t think I see you, but I do. What’s going on?” 

Taylor turned to face Caitlin, leaving her back to face me. 

“Do you promise not to tell..?” Taylor then burst into tears. Caitlin hugged her as she sobbed. 

“Taylor…what is going on? You’ve been different. I can see your smile faltering. Tell me.”

“Ed…he…he said something to me at the party.”

Silence filled the room but I’m sure they could hear my heartbeat echoing through the walls. 

“He…told me he loved me. More than a friend. And…it’s just. Ugh.” Taylor leaned up against the wall. “I wanted to…I…” she cried more. Caitlin went for another hug. 

“Taylor…you like him don’t you. Be honest with me.” 

Taylor sobbed more and my heart was sinking lower and lower. I could feel myself starting to sweat. 

“I do…and I’m scared. I don’t want to ruin him. I don’t want to ruin this.” 

What she was saying was hurting me too much. It was too much. I stepped out and made myself known. Caitlin looked over, making Taylor look over as well. Her face was straight shock and fear. Her eyeliner was all down her cheeks and her eyes were puffy. It made my heart sink even more. 

“Taylor…” I said. I didn’t know what I was going to say, but I couldn’t not say anything. Taylor got up from the wall and started shaking her head. She then started walking in the other direction. 

“Taylor wait!” I yelled. With that she went into a full sprint down the venue hallway. I stood there with Caitlin, not sure what to do.

“ED! What do you think you’re doing, just standing there, RUN!” Caitlin said, pushing me after Taylor. I went into a full sprint. At this moment, adrenaline was kicking in. I couldn’t feel my feet but I could see my target in front of me. Taylor was still running but I could see her wanting to stop.   
“Taylor, please stop! Stop!” I yelled at her. She looked back at me and seemed to snap back to reality. As I saw her slow down to stop, so did I. We found ourselves in the way back of the venue where no one was at. We both caught our breath and stared at each other. I stood up tall to finally approach her about this. I could feel my hands shaking but I kept my cool. 

“Taylor…I’m sorry for over hearing your private conversation. It was rude of me. But what I said at the party-“

“No, Ed. Let’s not talk about what you said. Let’s talk about what people say. About me. Do you know what they say?! I ruin my relationships Ed! I ruin everyone I come into contact with that I fall for. I’m a joke to everyone. My feelings are a joke! Everything I do is a joke! I can never win! Don’t you get that?!” 

She was yelling now, sobbing between sentences. I came closer to her, just for her to back away. But soon she was up against a wall and I was so close to her I could feel her breathing. I touched her face and wiped away at the stray tears and make up. I shushed her, trying to calm her. She looked up to me. Her eyes were filled with sadness and fear. I wanted to wipe away that fear. She had nothing to be scared of. 

“Taylor, listen to me okay? You are NOT a joke. Fuck what people say. They don’t know what I know. They don’t know this charming beautiful woman I’ve learned to know. I’ve learned how you are when no one is listening or looking. You’re so guarded and everyone you decide to date has had the honor to learn what I know, and have taken advantage of that. If I had the chance, just for a day to have you as mine, I’d keep you in my hands safely. You would never be taken advantage of. I love you Taylor. I’ve known that since the day I wrote silly love songs with that girl on a trampoline. I fell in love with the girl who makes amazing stir fry. I fell in love with the girl that loves to love. I tried so hard to hide it, I really did. I didn’t think I was good enough. No, I’m not good enough. But I’d be good to you. I swear by it. I love you Taylor. I love you.” 

I watched her face the whole time and waited for a response. My hand was on her chin. I watched her bite her lip and hiccup out another sob. 

“I’ve loved you from the very first day.” 

With that, I pulled her into a hug. My heart was pounding so hard and I was shaking violently. I could feel her sobbing again, so I pulled her away so I could look at her. I wiped away her tears once again, giving her smile. My fingers found their way to her chin again, and I could feel myself leaning in cautiously. I wanted this to go slowly and smoothly at Taylor’s pace. And I watched Taylor’s face intently, trying to read her. 

Suddenly, her lips were on mine. They were as soft as they were in the dreams I’ve had. I responded and kissed her back. She linked her hands behind my neck and mine were on the small of her back. I was lost in the high I was on. Her taste was something I’ve never tasted before.   
We both jumped at the sound of both of our phones ringing. We looked at each other and burst into laughter. 

“They must be looking for us.” She said, giving me a big smile. I didn’t want to let her go, but we had to get going back to the hotel. I removed my hands from her back as she did the same from my neck. She answered her phone telling the person on the other line that we were coming. She hung up and looked at me. She brought me into one last hug before we made our way back to the front of the venue. 

As we walked, I looked down at her hand. I went to hold it. She looked shocked from the contact. I waited for her look of approval before I folded my fingers with hers. She looked at me and did the job for me. I felt my heart pump with happiness. We walked leaving this Texas venue behind with a good memory.


	12. eleven.

The next few weeks have been heaven on earth. We had a few shows and breaks in between as usual. We just finished up the Texas dates and now we were currently in Arizona for the Glendale shows. I was currently doing some radio shows and Taylor was off in meetings in LA. The thought of Taylor made my stomach flip. The recent events had me feeling surreal. I can’t believe she was mine. She was actually mine. Well, for the most part.

We hadn’t really talked about and defined our relationship just yet. We just knew that we liked each other more than best friends. And honestly, I had no problem with this at all. I wanted to take things slow and at her pace. I wanted to be cautious as possible. I didn’t want to fuck this up. 

After my long day filled with meeting fans and singing songs, I had time to relax. I was laying in my hotel room in our stop outside of Glendale. I still had Taylor’s DVD’s and now that I had time to watch, that was what I was doing. My problem was that I couldn’t really pay attention. I was shamelessly watching my phone for a text back. 

“Let’s hang out before the show. I don’t have anything to do except for the meet and greet. Deal?” 

I felt my mood light up instantly. I texted back agreeing, and Taylor said she was on her way to my hotel room. I felt butterflies fill in my stomach waiting for that knock on the door. I jumped right when I heard the gentle knocks. I opened the door to see a very happy looking Taylor.

“Hi.” She simply said. She was wearing a big sweater, shorts and a pair of oxfords. Her hair was up and she wasn’t wearing her usual lipstick. I love Taylor dressed down like this. I let her in the room and went in for a hug. I smelled in her scent. She always smelled very clean and fresh. I could tell she was wearing her new perfume since she forced me to smell it. She pulled away and looked up at me. 

“How are you? How did you sleep? You slept well right? You feeling good today?” she went on and on. I shushed her with a stroke of her shoulder.

“I’m good Taylor, why so many questions?” I could tell she looked really nervous. I rubbed her shoulders more. “What are you thinking about?”

She sighed and looked down. I took her chin in my hands and brought her face back up. Her eyes with filled with certain things that I just couldn’t figure out. 

“I was actually wondering if we could talk about a few things that have been on my mind…” she said quietly, not looking me in the eye. I gestured her to sit down on the bed with me. We sat and I took in her aura. She looked nervous. She let out a sigh and was fiddling with her nails. 

“So, I usually have a hard time talking about…how I feel in person so. I’m going to try to do that from the start to avoid…I don’t know.” She shook her head. “Anyway, I was just wondering if you’ve talked to Harry at all?”

The sound of his name set me back a little bit, but I shook my head instantly. 

“I haven’t talked to him since the brit’s” 

She let out a “hmm.” And a sigh. 

“why? Is he bothering you again?” I asked

“No, that’s why I was asking. I know you two are really great friends and I don’t want to come between that with…us.” 

I let out a sigh. I haven’t really thought about this at all, but it wouldn’t be a problem.

“listen, I’ll tell him and if he doesn’t like it, then that will be the end of that. If he’s really my best friend he will accept it and move on. You don’t have to be involved at all. Okay?” 

She nodded and gave me a little smile. 

“Now, onto other things.” She said, looking a more relieved.

“So, as you know Everything Has Changed is going to be the next single…which means music video!” 

“Oh yeah? What do you have in mind?” I asked. She proceeded to tell me her various ideas. They were good as usual, seeing as she always have her own treatments for her videos. 

“So…I just wanted to know if you wanted to be a part of it, or involved. It’s your song too, so I just figured…” she trailed off. I could tell that she was unsure of what she was saying. I wasn’t really giving off the vibe of liking her ideas. 

“mmm..well for me, when we wrote it and recorded it and all that, I had something else in mind.” 

“Oh yeah? Tell me.” She said, looking intrigued.

“Well..I imagined these two kids. Like, eight or nine years old. They meet in school, and they sneak out and go through the school just spending time together. At the end of the school day and the parents pick them up, and each parent locks eyes, and yeah…just an idea.” 

After explaining, I didn’t feel that confident about what I was talking about due to Taylor’s face. She looked expressionless and very much in thought. 

“Or maybe not…?” I whispered. But then suddenly, her face lit up. 

“I like that! A lot! We can work on the details soon! Which leads to my other question…” she said, blushing, which threw me off. I cocked my head to the side with a quiet “hmm?” 

“I was wondering if you would join me on our break to visit my Rhode Island home…? You don’t have to if you don’t want to, I just thought it would be fun. Hang out with my family, go to the beach, show you around. Stuff like that.” 

I was honestly set back by this. She wants me to come spend time with her? With her family? 

“oh wow, um. Yeah. Yeah I’d love that.” I said, grabbing her hand that was on her lap and squeezing it.

“Really? Yes!” she said, dragging out the s’s. I let out a laugh. She was so adorable. I looked her in the eye and couldn’t help but smile bigger. I went in for a small kiss and I melted into her. She backed away when my phone rang, it was time for sound check. I let out a sigh. 

“It’s time to work it seems.” I said, feeling sad about leaving this right here. She looked like she felt the same. 

“Let’s walk there together.” She said, getting up and grabbing my hand. I followed her lead as we left the room. We were holding hands again. I couldn’t help but think I could get used to this right here. Just her and I in each other’s worlds.

—

The shows went by past that weekend. Now I was finding myself on Taylor’s private jet with her. Her parents and brother were meeting us there and I was told some of Taylor’s friends were going to show up too. I was happy and excited, but mostly nervous. I didn’t know if anyone knew about us. I didn’t know is she had told them anything and it was leaving me a little uneasy.

As the jet took off, I was looking out of the window. We had just left Arizona and we were off in the air. I was sitting across from Taylor, who had seemed to be busy writing something down. We hadn’t talked much since we boarded the jet. I watched her as she wrote in a little notebook. Her eyes were glued onto the pages and her hand was going at high speed as words were etched in the page. I couldn’t make out what she was writing but I could tell her handwriting was beautiful. I was so lost in watching her I didn’t see her stop. I looked up and saw her reading things over. 

“You seem to be working hard.” I said. She jumped a little and looked up at me. 

“mmm, yeah.” She said quietly, writing something else down and then putting her pen down. “I took your idea, wrote it down and now I’m working on details. Do you want to read?” 

I instantly smiled and nodded. She handed me the notebook to the open page and I gladly read. Her ideas included them dancing in the gym alone, doing yoga outside together, and sharing lunch together. One thing that took me back is that she wanted them to be mini me’s of us. I looked at her. She looked nervous as she always does when she puts her ideas out there for the first time. 

“Mini-me’s?” I said quietly. She nodded. 

“And I thought…just maybe at the end we could be in it, as their parents. I have this scenario of the parents seeing each other and falling in love at first sight.” She said shyly. I couldn’t help but love that idea. Probably because I was in love with her. 

“I love that. I do. I really do.” I said. 

“Really?! I’m glad. I’m going to work out things with a director and see who’s available so we can find a place to film it at!” she said, smiling big. I gave her the notebook back and it was now left unattended. 

I let out a yawn and relaxed back into my seat. I looked out the window again. I could feel myself drifting into sleep slowly with the new music video idea in mind. I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

–

When I woke, I was thrown off by the blanket that I was surrounded by. I sat up a little and stretched my legs out. I looked around to see that I was currently alone in the jet. I looked down to see the blanket on me was orange and fuzzy. I smiled and relaxed back down and found my phone. I slept the whole trip there. I surrounded myself with the blanket again and proceeded to check my phone. I then heard the iphone camera sound in front of me. I looked up to see Taylor with her phone in her hand laughing. 

“I couldn’t help myself, I’m sorry.” She said between laughs. I groaned and hid my face in the blanket. She laughed and sat down across from me. 

“Do you like the blanket?” she asked.

“Yeah, is it yours?” 

“No it’s yours.”

I gave her a confused look. 

“I made it…for you.” She said, pushing her hair back behind her ear. I sat up and looked down at the blanket again.

“where do you even find time for things like this?!” I asked. 

“I find time. It took me a while though.” She said, smiling. 

“Thank you, Taylor.” I said. I had the urge to kiss her, but then we felt the plane start to land. Taylor let out a happy sigh and sat back in her chair. 

“I’m so excited to be here.” She said quietly. “My parents are meeting us for dinner later, and then we can hang out at my place for the night, and then tomorrow we’re going to the beach. Sound good?” 

I simply nodded. I didn’t know what else to really say. All I knew is that I was excited and nervous all in one.

It was finally time to get off the plane. We headed through the airport and to my surprise no one stopped us. This made me feel more relaxed. Taylor must’ve picked this place for a reason. 

I looked over to Taylor. She had sunglasses on now, and her face was in a constant grin. But I knew that face. It was the face she puts on when she’s in public situations. I felt the urge to hold her hand, but I knew that wouldn’t be a good idea just yet. I just wanted her to know that she was safe. 

“Hey, Taylor.” I said. She looked at me. I couldn’t tell what her eyes were saying but I went along with my thoughts. 

“We’re going to have a good time yeah? We’re going to relax and have a fun time with your family.” I said with a smile. She gave me a smile back. A real one too.

–

Dinner with the Swift’s was very interesting to see. Austin, Scott and I agreed to go fishing in the morning and the Ladies would meet up with us later. I was enjoying the Swifts’ company. The way they all talked with each other was like they were in their own world. Andrea and Taylor were laughing with each other, which made me smile. I felt myself staring but I couldn’t help but stare at the scene in front of me. 

“oh! So guys,” Taylor bounced in her seat to face everyone. “Ed and I got the idea for the new video all arranged. It’s going to be great. All thanks to Ed.” She looked at me and I could feel myself blushing. I scratched the back of my head. 

“You figured out all of the details, not me.” I said quietly. 

“Oh stop being so modest Ed.” Taylor replied. I felt everyone’s eyes on me, making me even more nervous.

With that, Dinner was finished up and The Swift’s and I were headed out. Her parents and brother departed from us. But before that, Austin gave me his number so I could text him in the morning. Taylor and I were walking to her car when I turned to her. 

“So…why aren’t they staying at your place with us?” I asked. 

“Oh, my parents have a place out here too. I hope that doesn’t bother you?” she said, getting her keys out of her bag. We got into the car and she started driving. When the music from the radio turned on, we looked at each other. 22 was blasting through the car. I watched as Taylor sang along with her own song. I let out a laugh. Taylor then sped off through the streets. As the song came to a close, the radio host’s voice game bellowing through the speakers. 

“And that was Taylor Swift’s newest single 22. Can’t get enough of miss Swift. She’s on tour with the ginger we all love: Ed Sheeran.” The female radio host was interrupted by another voice.

“He better watch out, they might fall in love and he’ll get his ass chewed. Only if he treats her badly. Or good. You know how she works.” 

I looked over to Taylor. She looked stiff. She then changed the station to the cd that was in the cd player. Snow Patrol’s greatest hits started playing. She let out a sigh. 

“Taylor, don’t let that bother you.” I said. I went to finally hold her hand today. We held hands over the shift of her SUV. I heard Taylor start singing softly to Gary’s voice. 

“If I lay here, if I just lay here,  
would you lie with me and  
just forget the world.” 

I sang along with her a calming peace. I squeezed her hand once the second chorus came in. I didn’t dare look away from her. 

“If I lay here, If I just lay here,  
would you lie with me   
and just forget the world.   
Forget what we’re told, before we get too old.   
Show me a garden that bursting into life.”

 

We were stopped at a red light when we looked at each other. 

“let’s waste time,   
chasing cars,   
around our heads.   
I need your grace,  
to read my needs,   
to find my own.”

Taylor then started driving, but never letting go of my hand. We reached her rhode island home when the song was finally done. Taylor parked and turned the car off. 

“we’re here!” she said with a cheerful voice. She got out and I followed her actions. We made our way up to her place as I looked around. She had a place by the beach up on a hill. The place wasn’t a huge mansion but it was a perfect size for a beach house. 

Taylor unlocked the door and let us in. As I walked in, I looked around. I could tell she wasn’t quite done decorating the home. But as always, it was a cozy home. Taylor had a knack for making a home really feel like home. 

“I don’t have a lot of furniture yet, but I have my bed in my bedroom and the tv in there…if that’s okay? I didn’t really ask if it was okay if we shared a bed or anything but…” Taylor looked away from me. She still looked stiff. I grabbed her hand again. 

“That’s quite alright with me Taylor.” I said. She looked up and something in her face was unreadable. She then hugged me tight.

“I’ve wanted to hug you all day.” She whispered. I wrapped my arms around the small of her back and pulled her in more. I could feel her breathe on my neck which gave me goosebumps all of up my arms. After what seemed like a long embrace, she loosened her grip on me and pulled away. She looked up at me. 

“Now, do you want any coffee, tea?” she asked as she ushered me to the kitchen. 

“Tea would be nice, please.” I said as I took a seat at the island in the middle of the room. I watched as she worked on making me the only kind of tea she had. I happily took the tea when it was done. 

“So…we could go watch a movie, but I only have three movies here…and they’re all Disney movies.” She said. My interest was instantly perked at the sound of Disney. 

“What ones do you have?” I asked eagerly. 

“I have The Lion King-“ 

“then it settled.” I interrupted. I got up and grabbed her hand. She guided us to the bedroom. The room simply had a nicely made bed with lots of pillows, night tables on each side, and a dim light in the corner. The tv was on the wall across from the bed. 

Taylor closed the door behind us. I put my cup of tea on the table next to the bed and plopped down, excited for this Disney movie night. Taylor giggled. 

“I’m going to go change really quick. I’ll be back.” She said, as she entered the bathroom connected to the room. I took off my shoes and put them next to my bags that she had put there before we left for dinner. I took out some sweats and took off the sweater I had on, leaving me with just a white shirt on. I changed into the sweats and threw my pants in my bag. I sat back down on the right side of the bed and waited. Taylor then made her appearance soon after. 

She was wearing a big sweater and simple shorts. Her hair was up and her makeup was washed off. She also had black plastic glasses on. I felt more relaxed and welcome as I do everytime she’s very dressed down. She’s let me inside of her world and I was extremely honored. 

She put in the DVD and joined me on the bed. We were lying next to each other and I felt nervous. I wasn’t used to this kind of setting. I then got an idea. I got up and got the blanket she had made me from my bag. I then went to the bed and laid down cuddled up in the blanket. I then got closer to her and swung my arm around her neck. She cuddled into my chest and pulled some blanket for herself. 

“This is okay right?” I asked quietly, looking down to the top of her head. I felt her nod. 

“This is perfect” I heard her say as she cuddled more into me. I smiled and felt very much at home with her. 

Before I knew it, we both drifted into sleep, the long day finally getting to us.


	13. twelve.

I awoke alone in Taylor’s bed. I could feel a kink in my neck that instantly made me sit up. I could smell coffee in the air. I rubbed my eyes and got up and let the smell lead me to its location. I quietly walked through the hallway. I could hear Taylor quietly singing to herself and the sounds of kitchen utensils echoed through the spacious house. When I reached the kitchen, Taylor didn’t even notice my presence. 

I watched her sing as she started to make pancakes. She was twirling around her kitchen and it was like the rest of the world didn’t matter. I walked into the room and sat down at the island. She turned to where she got something out of the fridge and was shocked to see me there. 

“Oh! I didn’t hear you wake up. I didn’t disturb your sleep right?” she said, closing her fridge door. She had a box of blueberries in her hand. I shook my head no and she proceeded to make her pancakes. 

“Did you sleep well? I woke up 2 hours later to turn off the DVD. I don’t think we made 5 minutes into the movie” she said, letting out a lighthearted laugh. 

“mmm, yeah. Do I get some pancakes?” I asked.

“Of course, you don’t mind blueberries right?” she asked, looking back at me. I shook my head no. I rubbed the back of my neck with a groan. Man I really fucked it up.

“Are you okay?” I looked up to see a concerned Taylor. I nodded.

“It’s nothing bad, just a knot in it.” 

“I can fix that! Here let me do it before-“

“No it’s ok-“ before I knew it, Taylor was behind me and her hands were on my neck. I tried to relax but the thought of her hands on me made me tense up more. 

“Ed, relax.” She whispered in my ear. I felt goose bumps go down my neck and arms. I let out a shaky sigh and closed my eyes. I then tried to relax a little. I let out a grunt of pain when Taylor worked her hands on the knot. But soon it started to feel like heaven on earth. She gently started rubbing less, and then gradually stopped. 

“Better?” she asked. I nodded and made a noise of agreement. 

“Thank you, I really needed that.” I said. She made her way back to the stove. 

“Now onto other things, food!” she said waving a spoon in the air. I let out a laugh. I made myself at home grabbing a cup of joe and watching her cook. She made pancakes, bacon, and a little fruit salad. This girl could really cook some good comfort food. 

We sat in a content silence as we ate. Being with Taylor alone like this. I watched her and took her in once again. The way she politely and meekly cut up her pancakes and chewed them as quietly as she could was darling. She ate her salad in little bites and munched on her bacon slowly. I saw her eyes then lock with mine and I instantly felt caught. I looked down at my plate and I could feel myself feeling more and more embarrassed. 

“Is there something wrong with the food…?” she asked cautiously. I instantly shook my head.

“No, no. It’s perfect. I was just…” I said. “you’re really cute when you eat.” 

I looked up at Taylor. I could see the blush on her naked cheeks. She made eye contact with me. Her baby blues shined brightly. She smiled a little shy smile at me. 

“Thank you…” she said in a small face. “Now eat your food, we have to leave soon!” She got up and took her now cleared plate to the sink. She then left the room. 

“I’m going to go change okay?!” I heard her say as she walked to her room. I quickly ate the rest of my food, put my dish in the sink, and made my way back to the room. But when I reached the door, I was stopped in my tracks. 

Taylor’s back was facing me. I watched as she took off the sweater she slept in, revealing her naked back. I felt myself look her up and down. I took in every shape, bone and freckle. She then reached into the dresser that was in front of her and started to put on a bra. She then put a shirt. When I saw her start to turn around, I collected myself. I looked down and acted like I just turned the corner. I looked up when I heard her mutter a “dammit.” 

I saw her buttoning up her blouse and then tying the bottom of it. She was again wearing her signature high waisted shorts along with it. She looked up and saw me, a shocked expression on her face. 

“Oh hey!” she said, as she met me in the doorway. She looked up at me and pulled me into an embrace. She then did something I didn’t expect her to do. She made a move. I felt her lips on mine. I felt the butterflies once again as I happily kissed her back. We both pulled away and locked eyes. 

“What was that for?” I asked, rubbing her back. 

“Just a good morning kiss is all.” She replied, playing with my hair on the back of my head. 

“I’ll let you get dressed, and we’ll leave in five. Okay?” she said, leaving me to it. 

I proceeded to get ready with the biggest smile on my face.

–

Fishing with the Swift’s has to be one of my favorite moments so far. We laughed, bonded over beers, and caught big fish. But now, it was time to meet Taylor and her friends at the beach right outside her house. We all made our way there. Scott had to leave due to business, so Austin and I traveled back in a friendly silence. 

“So, Ed.” I looked over and up to Austin. The Swift family sure had the tall gene in tact. “I heard you like my sister.” 

I instantly groaned. Did the whole family know?!

“Don’t worry, Dad doesn’t know, yet. Taylor told me. Mom figured it out. You’re safe until you guys officially announce yourselves. If that’s what you want to do…” 

I silently nodded and instantly felt awkward. We were reaching the house slowly but surely until Austin stopped walking. I stopped next to him and he faced me. 

“Ed, look. I love you man, you’re really great. I need to know if you’re serious about my sister. I’m not saying that you want to treat Taylor wrong or anything, but by the way she’s been talking to me about you, she seems really serious as well. I just need to know if it’s mutual.”

I was silent for a moment, collecting my thoughts. I looked down at the ground and back up to him. I put my hand on his shoulder. 

“Taylor is lucky to have a good brother like you, mate. I can honestly say that I’m very serious about her and I. I just wish I would’ve known that she’s very serious as well. We haven’t really talked about anything at all yet because I want her to take things at her pace. I’m going to treat her right. I promise.” 

Austin smiled and grabbed me into a bro hug. We then began walking again. 

We made our way to the beach where Taylor and her friend Jessica were laying out with a couple of drinks. When we reached them they welcomed us warmly. Taylor and Jessica got up and hugged Austin and I. 

“Our other friends should be showing up soon.” Taylor said to Austin. He let out a sarcastic “wooo.” Which made me laugh. The Swift siblings seemed to have a very similar humor. 

I looked out to the water and instantly felt gravitated to it. I began aimlessly walking to it. It was really beautiful here. The states had so much to offer. So many peaceful places. Back in the day, I thought the states were high-paced cities and parties. But Taylor has showed me the peaceful side of things. Things that could really just keep you down on the ground. Not caught up in a big city scene. I let out a sigh. 

I reached into my pocket for something that I have been holding onto for a long time, but not really acknowledging it. I pulled out my necklace. The necklace I’ve been wearing for three years. I remember the first time I took it off. It felt good to be free of its hold. But in the back of my mind I knew I wasn’t really free just yet. I still had the memories lingering to remember when I don’t need to remember at all. 

I looked over at Taylor behind me. She was laughing with her brother and friend. I knew she was going to be a constant person in my life. I knew we weren’t going to fallout anytime soon, or ever for that matter. I just knew. Because of that, I knew just I needed to do. 

I looked back to water and down to my palm. The string of the necklace was blowing in the wind. 

 

“I’ll carve it like a necklace   
So the heart falls where your chest is.  
And now a piece of me is the piece of the beach  
And it falls just where it needs to be  
And it rests peacefully   
So you need to breathe   
To feel my heart against yours now, against yours now.”

I stepped back a few steps, balled my fist around the necklace, raised my arm, and used my whole body to throw it as far as I could into the ocean. I watched it fly through the air until I couldn’t see anymore. I didn’t even see it hit the water. I breathed in really hard, and slowly breathed out. That felt really good. 

“Hey, Ed…?”

I turned around to see Taylor with her sunglasses up on her head. She was looking me up and down. 

“Are you okay?” she asked, coming and standing next to me. 

“ahh yeah. I’m okay.”

“What did you throw?” she asked. I let out a chuckle.

“Ahhh, nothing important.” I said, putting my arm around her back. 

“We’re going to go to go hang out at the house now, if that’s okay?” she said, looking up at me. 

“That sounds perfect.” I said. We made our way back to the now arrived group of friends with our arms around each other.

–

After our time in Rhode Island, we were back on the working scene. We had played some more shows that weekend, and now, today was the day of the filming for the new video. We were out at a school filming and we were waiting to meet our little doubles for the shoot. 

Taylor and I were on location when we finally met them. I was very shocked at how similar they looked to both of us. The little boy’s name was Chris. He was small, had some teeth missing, and had a big afro of curly ginger hair. Taylor’s little double was a little girl named Alison. She had long dirty blonde hair and was dressed in a white dress like Taylor was for the shoot. 

When they came up to us Taylor instantly crouched down to give them hugs. 

“Hey guys.” She said cheerfully. They both said hi to her and I watched them interact. Chris came up to me finally and I bent down just like Taylor. 

“Hello.” I simply said, as I went into the little boy’s hug. I then picked him up and put him on my side. “It’s nice to meet you.” 

“It’s nice to meet you too. Finally; someone else with my hair!” he said obnoxiously. We all let out a laugh. 

“me and my mom watched your lego house video before this because I wanted to know what you sounded like and I’m jealous Ron was in it.” Chris said, looking me right in the eye. 

“Oh yeah? Well I’ll have to tell him that you said hello and all of that, now won’t I?” 

Chris gasped. “You can do that?” 

“Oh yeah, especially for my new friend Chris.” I put him down and took out my phone. “here, watch.” 

I proceeded to pull up my camera on my phone. Chris and I posed for a picture. I then showed Chris me sending Rupert the picture via text with a little message. 

“There, if I get the text back while we’re still here, I’ll let you know, okay?” I ruffled his hair. He thanked me.

“Guys, we need to get started!” the director yelled to us. We all gathered and began to get some work done.

–

After a long day of shooting, we were finally wrapped up. The video was going to look amazing and I was glad to be a part of it. We said our goodbyes to our mini me’s. We got to take a picture with them before we left. I made sure it was my new lock screen for my phone. 

I then watched Taylor thank the crew and go up to some fans that were waiting around the barricade they put up around the school grounds. I couldn’t help but smile. I knew that she didn’t take her fans for granted. I watched her sign things, take pictures, and talk with the little group. I then saw her turn around and motion me to come over with her hand. I obliged and made my way to them. 

“There some people that wanted to meet you!” she said. We talked with some fans, I signed some things, and took pictures as well. After everyone got a chance, Taylor and I finally got in her car and made our way back to her LA home. We were in a comfortable silence for a while until Taylor spoke. 

“You know, you were really good with those little kids today.” She said. I looked at her as she spoke. “You made Chris’s day today, maybe his life. That’s something to really admire.” 

Her words made my blush. “It was nothing really. I just really like kids.” I said. I saw her nod and smile. 

It didn’t take us a long time to get back to her home. So we made our way into the house and finally relaxed. Taylor made her way into the kitchen as I followed behind her. 

“Hey, Taylor,” I said, “I was wondering if I could shower?” 

“Oh yeah, no problem. I’m going to make something to eat while you’re doing that. Tea again tonight?” 

“Yes please.” I said as I nodded. 

“Okay, towels are in the closet by the bathroom.” She said.

I muttered a thank you and made my way to the bathroom for a relaxing shower.

–

After a long, relaxing 20 minute shower, I was out, dressed, and clean. I sat in Taylor’s bed. When I finally got the energy to find my phone check it, I wish I hadn’t. 

I had 3 missed called and 3 texts from Harry. I read the messages. 

“Hey, call me when you get the chance.”

“Seriously mate.”

“Are you really busy because I know you’re on break.” 

 

I let out a long sigh and pressed on his name, having my phone make the call. I was welcomed by the waiting tone. After a while, we finally picked up. 

“Ed! Hey mate. How are you?” he said. 

“I’m alright man, in LA. How are you?” 

“I’m okay, just really needed to talk to you.” 

“What’s up?”

“I was wondering if I could come see you play on the tour.”

“what, you mean Taylor’s…?” 

“Yeah!”

I felt my eyes widen and I instantly felt uncomfortable. 

“Um, Harry..I don’t think-“ 

“I just wanted to come out and see you, and her. I miss you both. I want to make things right, and maybe make her realize I’m still into her. You know? Do you think I can do that?” 

“Um..Harry. Listen. I know we haven’t talked or seen each other in a long time, but I don’t think coming to the tour would be a good idea. Just-“

“Hey Ed, food is done-“ Taylor walked into the room and I looked at her. “oh sorry, I’ll just…” and she walked back out. 

“Was that her? Are you with her right now?” 

“Um, yeah mate. I’m at her LA home with her on break.” 

“Oh yeah? Well tell her I said hi then yeah? I have to go now though. I’ll text you yeah?” 

He then hung up on me. I felt extremely uneasy after that. 

“hey, is everything okay?” Taylor re-entered the room. I looked up at her and let out a sigh. 

“That was Harry…” I said. “He wants to come see me on one of the tour dates.” 

“Oh…” Taylor said, sitting next to me. “Well. He should. Figure out what show and I’ll get him on the guest list.” 

“Taylor…”

“No, it’s okay. He’s your friend Ed. Nothing is going to change that.” 

I decided against telling Taylor what Harry said. We will get to that when the time comes. 

“Now come on, the food!” she said, pulling me up by the hand. 

I wasn’t looking forward to my guilt and nerves that were going to be high for the next few days because of this.


	14. thirteen.

Over the past few days, the guilt didn’t cease. I was overthinking the fact that Harry, one of my best mates doesn’t know that I’m currently dating one of his exes. I had broken the bro code. The worst part is that I haven’t told him and had no intention to tell him any time soon. Now, he’s going to be at tonight’s show and I wish I could vanish for a while. So I did the next best thing.

 

I sipped my beer as I sat in the hotel bar in Toronto.

 

Over the past few days, Taylor and I had attended some award shows. We also had celebration parties after. I feel like drinking had come back into my life a little more. Ever since Taylor has been a constant part in my life, I haven’t been drinking just because of the fact that she barely drinks. I couldn’t figure out if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

 

I let out a sigh and sipped my drink again. I was feeling down because even the beer wasn’t helping my nerves. After feeling like I was sitting on that stool for a year, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned to see the source of the tap.

 

I was met with my curly haired friend. I stood up and gave him a hug. Despite everything, I did miss my friend.

 

“It’s so good to see you Harry.” I said, patting his back.

 

“I missed you man.” Harry said as he pulled away. We both sat down at the bar. Harry ordered a beer.

 

“So how are you? When’s soundcheck?” he asked.

 

“In about an hour or so. I’m trying to get rid of some of these nerves you know?” I replied. I took a big sip. My anxiety went up when he showed up and I didn’t see it going down at all.

 

“oh yeah? I’m pretty excited to see you play.”

 

I nodded but didn’t look at him. I really didn’t know what to say.

“So, how is she?” he asked quietly. I looked over at him. He looked eager and hopeful.

“She’s good. Really good.” I mumbled, staring down at the bottle in my hand. “How are you though?”

 

Harry gave me a smile. “I could be better honestly. But things with the boys are good, so that’s all that matters. They miss you.”

 

I missed them too. I needed to remind myself to make sure to see them soon after this tour is done.

 

“I miss everyone too, mate.” I said, patting him on the back. I gave him a smile and he gave me one back. Harry ordered a drink and we loosened up a bit. After a while, I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. I turned to see someone very unexpected.

 

There Clarice was, dressed down with a smile on her face.

 

“Hey Ed! It’s almost sound check so I figured you would want to know…” I saw her trail off and look to Harry. I saw her eyes widen and she covered her mouth with her hands.

 

“Oh my god, hi.” She said breathlessly.

 

“Hello there.” He said to her with that charming smile I knew all too well. “I’m Harry, what’s your name?” He stuck out his hand to her to shake.

 

“I’m Clarice, one of Taylor’s dancers.” She said as she shook his hand. “it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

 

“Ah, Same to you.”

 

At this point, I felt forgotten by the way they were talking. I fought the urge to roll my eyes because I could see the look on Harry’s face; his flirt face. As I watched them shamelessly flirt with each other, I heard my ringtone go off. Taylor’s face lit up on my screen and I instantly answered.

 

“Swift to Sheeran command, over” I heard her say. I let out a laugh. We had our own secret phone greeting.

 

“Sheeran to Swift, over.” I felt Harry next to me stop talking and look over to me, but I ignored it. “What’s up?”

 

“We need you at sound check, where are you?!” she said. Shit.

 

“Oh shit, tell everyone I’ll be there in a sec. I’m in the Hotel still.”

 

“Hurry your cute ass up got it?” I heard her say quietly. I felt my face warm up and I let out a little chuckle.

 

“Yeah yeah, see you then.” I hung up. I looked over to Harry and Clarice who were staring holes into my skin.

 

“That was Taylor, sound check is now. I got you put on the guest list for tonight. See you in the sound booth tonight alright?”

 

“You mean I can’t come to sound check with you…?” he said, looking very disappointed.

 

“I’m sorry mate, tour rules!” I said, giving him a pat on the shoulder. I looked over to Clarice and nodded at her.

 

“You coming Clarice?” I said over my shoulder as I walked by her. She silently followed after me leaving Harry in the dust.

 

Clarice and I walked out of the hotel together and got into a cab together. I was regretting not getting my own cab because the silence was getting very awkward.

 

“So Ed..” I heard her say next to me. “You haven’t answered any of my texts. Are you avoiding me?”

“I’m not, I’m just busy you know?” I said. It wasn’t fully a lie.

 

“Oh..well..I was thinking maybe you don’t like me as much as I like you.” She said, scooting closer to me. Oh no.

 

“Well-“ I looked over to her, she was much closer than I thought. She was looking up at me and I could feel her breath on my lips. She went in for a kiss. As she closed in on my lips, the cab stopped. I looked out the window. We were at the venue. I opened the door, totally blowing off Clarice. 

 

I heard her following behind me but I didn’t look back. I made my way into to the back of the venue with Clarice behind me. Soon, I was behind the stage where the crew was waiting patiently for me. I was given my guitar and I began strumming a few chords. Clarice finally caught up to me, huffing and puffing in front of me.

 

“Ed, what the hell was that?” she said, putting her hands on her hips. “You totally just blew me off-“

 

“Hey!”

 

I whipped around to see a very chipper Taylor skipping toward Clarice and I. I sighed because I wanted Clarice gone. I’m sure I looked irritated and nervous and it showed. When Taylor came up to me, her face fell to conern.

 

“What’s…” Taylor looked to Clarice and then back to me, “up? Is everything okay?”

 

Clarice walked away from us with an overdramatic sigh, and I continued to strum on my guitar without a word.

 

“Did I miss something?” Taylor said quietly. I know I was putting off an unwelcoming aura without trying. I sighed.

 

“Everything is fine now that you’re here” I said, giving her a smile. She smiled back to me.

 

“No seriously, is everything okay?” she asked, coming closer to me.

 

“Harry is set on talking to you and Clarice is out to get me.” I said quietly.

 

“What?” Taylor said loudly, causing people around us to stare. We both looked around and shared a laugh.

 

“No, but um.” I stopped strumming and looked at her. “Clarice just confessed her love for me and tried to kiss me.”

 

I watched Taylor’s face lose its color a little bit. I shook my head at her and rubbed her shoulder.

 

“keyword: tried, Taylor. I didn’t let it happen.” I said.

 

“Oh, yeah. Yeah!” she said, her voice a little shaky. I gave her a concerned look.

 

“But, what about Harry..?” she said quietly.

 

I let out a sigh. “He still loves you, you know.” I looked her straight in the eye. “He wants you back.”

 

“Oh…” I watched her look down and chip at her nail polish. She then let out a sigh.

 

“I haven’t told him about…us.” I said, “I plan on it, but not now. I don’t have the heart honestly…” I was ashamed. I really needed to tell him to save not only him the trouble, but Taylor the burden of all of this.

 

“I don’t blame you, you know? It’s a hard thing to tell your best friend. But it’s okay. I will tell him that I just want to be friends with him and that’s it. Hopefully we can set this aside. If you want me to tell him too…”

 

“Taylor, no. That is my job. Let me please?” I said.

 

She paused and looked at me for a while. She then nodded.

 

“Okay. It’s up to you.” Taylor smiled at me and gave me a hug.

 

“I have to go now, but I’ll see you soon okay?” Taylor said. She looked around, looking to see if people were around us. I did the same, seeing no one. We looked at each other and shared a little kiss, and went on our way. I was now thinking that this situation might not be that bad. With Taylor on my side, everything will be alright.

 

—

 

I was sitting in front of the b-stage, strumming my guitar before our duet. I watched her as she introduced the wildcard song of the night.

 

“I met this lovely girl in meet and greet tonight, and she asked me to play this song. And it’s one of those songs that was on my first album.” The crowd cheered loudly and Taylor smiled big. “this is called Tim Mcgraw.”

 

The whole venue lit up and the cheering echoed. I watched in awe and her face lit up and the stage slowly began to spin around. I looked at her and then the sound booth, where Harry was very visible to me but not to the crowd. His face was filled with a big smile. When Taylor was facing him, she was smiling down at him. I felt a ping of jealousy go through me, but I brushed it off. I knew that I could trust Taylor. I just hoped she knew she can trust me as well.

 

I was so lost in thought that I didn’t see Taylor look down at me as well when the stage turned to me. The look on her face was filled with a new kind of happiness I’ve never seen. My chest filled up with a warm feeling. I gave her a genuine smile as she never looked away from me. Soon, she was done with the song and the crowd was cheering loudly. She switched out guitars and that’s when I knew it was my que. I was handed my guitar and I watched Taylor begin to make her little speech.

“So, I don’t know if you guys know, but I have someone on tour with me, that is really dear to me.” she paused and listened to the crowd cheer. “This guy, is a very special friend to me. He’s talented, funny…and is very much ginger.” I let out a laugh. 

“Welcome Ed Sheeran to the stage!” That was my que, I made my way to the stage and we hugged. We proceeded to start playing the song and we were lifted up. Taylor’s eyes looked different tonight. They were filled with something new, but the energy in them was bouncing off of me. It was making me smile even more than I was. I was lost in our little bubble again. It was just me and her on top of the world. I loved this feeling. I loved it so much I didn’t want it to end.

—

 

Before I knew it, it was the end of the show. I was currently in Club Red with Taylor meeting fans. They weren’t as many tonight as they were usually, so we were all done earlier than usual. As the club room was now empty, Taylor and I made our way to the back of the venue. As we walked in a comfortable silence, I felt Taylor gently fold her fingers with mine next to me. I smiled to myself as I checked my phone. I was mindlessly checking social media as I heard someone yell my name. 

“Ed! Mate wait!” I turned around to see Harry jogging after me. Shit, I totally forgot about Harry. 

As he made his way to us, the smile on his face fell. Taylor and I looked at each other and whipped our hands away from each other. Shit shit shit. 

“H-Harry” Taylor said, tucking her hair back behind her ears. “Hi.” 

“Hey, Taylor.” Harry said. I watched as they went into an awkward hug. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t come see you before or after the show…you know how I have the meet and greet before AND after and stu-”

“Taylor, I know you’re a busy girl.” Harry interrupted her, shaking his head. “I’m just glad you let me come see you two.”

“Oh no, it’s totally an okay thing, you should know that. You and Ed are best friends, so…” she trailed off, chipping at her nail polish. 

“So…you guys were holding hands.” Harry said. We both whipped our heads up and looked at him. I felt my heart speed up a little. Oh shit. 

“It’s okay, Clarice showed me a picture of you two kissing at soundcheck.” he said. 

“what?!” Taylor said. The look on her face was something I’ve never seen before. 

“Yeah, she seems like a really nasty person for doing that. It made me really uncomfortable. I had a feeling there was something going on. You can just tell in two people you care about, yeah?” Harry then smiled at both of us. He then came in for a hug from me. I smiled and patted him on the back. 

“I have to get going now, but I’ll keep in touch okay?” he said. My smile fell a little. 

“You sure you can’t stick around?” Taylor asked, looking a little frazzled from the situation.

“I have to get back to LA for record things, I’m sorry Taylor.” he said. “But you can always text me.”

“Alright man, I love you.” I said to him. 

“I love you too Ed, you too Taylor. “

With that he was gone from the back of the venue. I felt a little weird now. I didn’t expect that to happen. I looked over to Taylor who was now on her phone looking very frustrated. 

“Hi, Clarice? Meet me at my bus please…? yes…yeah. see you there…bye.” She then hung up. 

“I’m so beyond pissed right now Ed.” she sighed and continued to text on her phone. I could see Caitlin’s name in the contact box. I let out a sigh. 

“I hope this doesn’t make things awkward. Why the fuck would she do that?” I said. 

“Oh no, she’s going to get her ass fired.” She then started walking, leaving me in a little shock. It’s truly a gift to hear that woman curse. I let out a chuckle and followed behind her. We soon made it to her bus from the back of the venue and she let me in even though I didn’t expect to be involved in this. When we entered Clarice was there with Caitlin standing by in the corner looking very angry. 

I watched as Taylor stood in front of Clarice, who was on the couch of the lounge. Taylor crossed her arms and let out a sigh. 

“So Harry told me you showed him a picture of Ed and I kissing.” she said. The aura coming off of her seemed dangerous. This was a new side from Taylor that I have never seen. 

“Now I don’t think it was a very nice thing to do to anyone, let alone the person you WORK for. The person that TRUSTED you enough to let you on this tour. I’m going to contact my management tonight and as of now, you’re off this tour. I don’t care what you do with that photo, I honestly don’t give a flying fuck. Go leak it, go out and make some money on it. But you’re not welcome on this tour anymore. You can go now.”

She then walked to the back of the bus leaving the rest of us in the dust. I looked at Caitlin who was laughing to herself, but I felt the awkward silence in the lounge. I looked down at Clarice who was staring up at me. She had tears in her eyes and I couldn’t help but feel bad. 

“I-I’m Sorry Ed. I was jealous.” She said. I just shook my head, I had more pity for her than anger. 

“I won’t do anything with the picture I promise, here.” she stood up and whipped out her phone. I shook my head and insisted her to stop, but I watched her delete the few pictures she had of us from that moment today. 

“See? done. I’m sorry. Please.” She got closer to me but I backed off. 

“Taylor asked you to leave Clarice, please respect her decision.” I quietly said, not looking her in the eye. She let out a sigh and left the bus. I looked over at Caitlin and I just shook our heads at each other. 

“I should probably go check on Taylor.” I said quietly as I made my way past Cailtin. She patted me on the back with a chuckle as I made my way to Taylor’s back room. I was welcomed with a scene I wasn’t expecting. 

Taylor was sprawled on her little bed with her face in a pillow. I could hear her muffled crying and I could see her shaking. She had changed out of her pretty dress from the meet and greet and now was in sweats and a hoodie. I let out a sigh and sat next to her. I rubbed her back gently. She looked up at me and the look on her face made my heart drop to my stomach. She sat up next to me. I pulled her into an embrace and she continued to sob gently. I rubbed her back and shushed a little. 

She looked up at me and I wiped the smudged the makeup off of her cheeks. She smiled and leaned into me. 

“I watched her delete the photos off of her phone.” I said. Taylor looked up at me and with wide eyes. “She insisted that I watch her do it.” 

“Yeah well…that doesn’t change anything. She’s still off the tour. I just called about it.” she mumbled. I let out a chuckle. 

“Yeah, I knew your decision was final when the word fuck flew out your mouth.” I said. I heard her giggle and I felt better now that I knew there was a smile on her face. She sat up and looked at me.

“Stay with me tonight?” she asked. I simply nodded. She gave me that smile and set a kiss on my cheek. I felt wam. I slipped off my shoes and laid down with her. She cuddled into my neck and the smell of her hair rushed to my senses. I let out a happy sigh.

“I’m glad I have you to bring me back up again.” She said. 

“I’m glad I have you to love.” I said. The room instantly got quiet. This is the first time I dropped the word love since I confessed to her. I waited a little bit, and I felt myself tensing. 

“I’m glad I have you to love too, Ed.” she said quietly. I looked down surprised. She was smiling and the colors in her eyes were spinning happily. We cuddled back in and I could feel myself falling into a happy slumber.


	15. fourteen.

I felt in a haze.

 

The days on this tour were going by way too fast. There was only one month left or so of the tour, and I was dreading the end. I wanted nothing more than to have this last forever. Don’t get me wrong, I’m ready to get into the studio and get things going but I can’t shake the feeling I’m going to miss this moment in time forever once it’s gone. I let out a sigh and fell back into the hotel bed. In a few days I’ll be attending the VMA’s, which is exciting, for most people at least. I’ve been starting to think that I don’t like award shows that much. The more I go to the less I want to attend. I always feel like I’m in a scene of a movie and I’m watching from the outside in. I hated that feeling more than ever. 

We are surrounded by all of these lights, and people who talk too much

I sat up instantly. Shit, fuck yeah. A new line for this song that has been on the backburner for a few months. I sat up and got out some papers from my guitar case. I wrote the little lines that were coming to me now that I had a flow of inspiration. 

And all of the voices surrounding us here  
They just fade out when you take a breath  
Just say the word and I will disappear  
Into the wilderness

I could feel the smile on my face as I almost finished this song that I’ve been wanting to since February. I picked up my guitar and start plucking along with the hook I saved for the song. I started singing the chorus lightly to myself.

 

And should this be the the last thing I see   
I want you to know it’s enough for me  
Cause all you are is all that I’ll never need.   
I’m so in love. 

I stopped instantly when I heard the door close. I practically jumped and looked over to the door. Taylor was standing there shyly there leaning up against the door. The fact that we had been secretly sharing a hotel room for a few days now had slipped my mind. I gave her a nervous laugh and a smile. 

“Hey..I wasn’t interrupting, was I?” she said. She took off her shoes by the door and put down her phone on the mini fridge next to the tv. She made her way to the bed and sat across from me. 

“Oh, no. Not really, no.” I said, nervously picking up my papers and notebooks all over the bed. 

“It sounded like something new.” she said, giving me that smirk when she knows I can’t hide anything from her. I let out a sigh and gave in instantly. 

“Yeah, it’s new. I’m not sure how I feel about it. It’s not done yet, it still needs some work.” I said, not being able to look her in the eye. I’m usually not shy with showing her work, but lately the songs I’ve been writing have been…obvious, for the lack of a better word. I would totally give myself away if she heard the one I was writing right now. 

“Well, if you need any insight, I’m here. You know that.” she said. She looked at my guitar case and took out my new Martin guitar. It was one of the signature ones I made through Martin Guitar. I watched her start plucking some chords. I heard her humming a light melody I couldn’t recognize. 

“I had some new songs that I wanted to show you actually.” she said as she continued to pluck chords beautifully. 

“Oh yeah?” I said, watching her play intently. I watched her eyes intensify while she watched the strings. She started playing what seemed an intro to a song. She palm muted the chords and I heard her start singing. 

Wake Up, Coffee in the morning  
Put on my face, sunglasses   
Just another day alone 

I feel like I should be used to all the flashing lights   
But it gets my heart pumping everytime  
I get lost in the limelight 

 

Maybe I’m wrong, Maybe I’m right  
Maybe I just need some time for it to all come back to me   
Maybe it’s time, time to forget  
All of my regrets   
Let people see   
The girl in Between the Seams 

I started to feel myself smile. She strummed effortlessly and made her way smoothly into the second chorus. 

I feel like people get me wrong   
Just another hit   
Whiney break up song   
Just remember the look on my face   
This ain’t a scene I’m not a fake   
What do I do to make you see   
I’m the real thing 

I felt my smile falter as she sang the chorus again. That verse got me right in the heart. I felt her honesty coming out in this song. I watched her quiet down the guitar a little and she began saying the bridge of the song 

Some days, I want to let   
The voices get me   
Just to let them see me crack  
But I know I’m better than that

I saw the emotion coming out in her eyes as she sang the bridge gingerly. I felt my heart flutter. I had so many things to say. I watched as she sang the last chorus and end the song, having the guitar ring out and bounce off the walls. I watched as she looked at me and gave me her “ouch” face. 

“Now that I sang it in front of someone, I don’t like it that much…” she trailed off as she set the guitar down. I shook my head at her.

“It was very honest and in your face. I like that.” I said. She sighed and shook her head. 

“I don’t think it’ll be released ever.” she said. 

“Why?” I asked. She began to chip at her nail polish.

“I feel like it’s a little too honest. I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea. I don’t want my fans to get the wrong idea.” she said, looking down at her lap. 

“They got the wrong idea with The Lucky One, but I don’t want them to think I don’t like what I’m doing anymore. I’m really trying to be cautious. But it’s good to get my feelings out at least, right?” 

I was at a lot what to say to her now. She seemed to be going something deeper than the lighthearted melody she just shared with me. 

“Is there…something else going on?” She looked over at me and her aura faltered. She was fidgeting still and her shoulders were slouched. 

“To be honest..I feel overworked.” I felt my eyes widen. Taylor Swift feeling overworked? It’s mostly unheard coming out of her mouth. 

“But in a different way.” She said quietly. 

I was confused now. 

“What do you mean?” I asked.

 

“Touring and endorsement deals aren’t the things tiring me. I’ve been…” she sighed and shook her head. “It’s stupid.” 

“it can’t be if it’s bothering you, Taylor.” I said, scooting closer to her and bringing an arm her shoulder. She looked at me with a smile and huffed out a sigh again.

“I’ve been dreading award shows more than usual lately.” she said quietly. I started rubbing her back and waited for her to go on with her thoughts. 

“I’m scared.” I felt her tense up a little bit. “I feel scared. Is it bad that I feel like I’m..I” I felt her shaking a little. I looked down at her hands in her lap and she was fidgeting more. I put my finger under her chin and made her look at me in the eyes. She looked like she was going to burst into tears. 

“You’re safe with me. you know that.” I whispered to her. I then kissed her on the cheek and I saw her face lit up. She sat her head on my shoulder as I held her closer. 

“I feel like I’m cracking under the pressure again.” I heard her say quietly. I looked down at the top of her head. Shit. I felt my heart sink right into my stomach. 

“Taylor…” I was at a loss once again. I tried to think of what to say, but I felt panicked. shit, shit, shit. comfort her, do something Ed. 

“I’m just…a little tired. I think I need a little vacation from the media. But I can’t stop working…I need to keep working to feel sane. My work is everything to me. My fans are everything to me. But I need a break. I kind of screwed myself over because I begged my management to let me be part of a movie soundtrack. They say I’ve been on the radio too much. I’ve been in the media too much. Ever since Harry…things have been…hard.” 

Her voice faltered a little bit at the end. I felt the sadness come over me. I unfortunately new about the malicious force that is the One Direction fanbase. They’re ruthless and cruel. Taylor looked up at me. Her eyes were full of unfallen tears and her lips were quivering a little. 

“Are people finally tired of me?” she asked me, piercing her eyes right into mine.

 

“If people were tired of you, would you have amazing album sales? or would you be selling out stadiums in minutes? or be winning awards? I think the only people that are tired of you are the ones that don’t care for you at all, and who wants to spend time thinking about people who don’t care for you? am I right Miss Swift?” 

I watched her face relax and although some of the tears fell out, I knew it wasn’t because she was ready to cry. They simply needed to be gone. She gave me that beautiful happy smile and leaned in for a kiss. I gladly leaned in as well and gave her a gentle peck on her rose colored lips. I leaned back out and looked at her. 

“Now, why don’t we take a mini vacation with a nap and then some dinner later. does that sound good?” I asked. She nodded. 

“I’m going to go change real quick then.” she said. I nodded and she disappeared into the bathroom with some clothes she stashed here. As soon as she shut the door, I quickly went back to the piles of notes with my new lyrics written on it. I jotted down one more lyric that came to mind when I was staring into Taylor’s pool of blue eyes. The endless spinning of her eyes is always so hypnotizing.

 

You look so beautiful in this light  
Your silhouette over me  
The way it brings out the blue in your eyes  
Is the Tenerife sea

 

I heard the bathroom door open so I threw the pen down and ditched the notes. I looked over to see Taylor in a big black hoodie and pink sweats. She had taken her make up off and put her hair up in her usual ponytail. I thankfully was still in my pajamas and had no intention on changing out of them on my day off. 

I got up and adjusted the pillows on the bed and drew back the big fluffy comforter. Taylor plopped down in the bed on the side across from me and I let out a chuckle. I joined her in the bed and threw the comforter over us. 

“I’m so ready for this nap.” she murmured to me. I just gave me a smile. 

She cuddled up to my chest and I felt our legs intertwined. I felt myself relax with her in my arms. I began rubbing her back slowly to help her relax as well. 

“Hey, Ed?” I heard her say. I looked down at her. She looked so darling cuddled up with me. 

“Thank you, for listening to me. And actually saying something. Sometimes, people don’t know what to say to me and I end up feeling lost. But you always say the right thing. I love you for that.” 

Her words struck me. The L word was just dropped. Was it still a friendly love or was it something more? shit, shit. What do I say?

“Are you okay, Ed? Your eyes keep getting wider and wider.” she giggled that last sentence, and I snapped out of it. 

“Oh, uh.” I shook my head. “I’m just glad you came to me. I just want to help you as much as I can. You know I care about you.” 

She smiled and gave me one last kiss before she cuddled in and fell into a slumber. It took me a while to settle into sleep but that word in her voice echoed through my conscience. 

I’m so in love..

 

—

 

It was the night of the VMA’s.

I was sitting in the back of a limo, ready to make my way to the red carpet. I was nervous. I was feeling extremely under-dressed and out of place already and I wasn’t even out of the car. My publicist was talking at me but I wasn't taking anything in. I could see the flashing lights and my heart was pumping.

“You ready Ed?” the woman across from me said. I looked at her and half-hardheartedly nodded. The car door opened and the roar of people took me in. There were photographers and security guards around me. I heard people yelling my name from the sidelines that were filled with fans of all artists. The photographers wouldn't give it up until I was in the back where the real fun begins. 

I was standing there getting my photo taken by heaps of photographers once again, and reporters were lined up along the big carpet ready to get interviews from big stars. I felt stiff and awkward and I didn’t know where to look. I smiled the best I could and slowly made my way down the carpet. 

I had given a few interviews and I was already tired and needing a drink. I let out a sigh and kept on going down the line of reporters, when I got a text. 

“I’m finally at the carpet! Are you here?” 

Taylor’s name made my heart stop beating so hard, and I suddenly didn’t feel so nervous. I looked around when I heard a big commotion coming from the photographers back down the line. 

There she was. Taylor was had her hands on her hips and she had her hands on her hips and a model like expression on her face. Her hair was up in a bob and she had big curls. Her dress was a dark blue color and it was all the way down flowing to the ground. The straps of the dress were thin and…shit I was staring. 

I watched as she left the photographers in the dust and made her way down the carpet. I just stood and stared at her. She was fucking gorgeous. good lord. 

We locked eyes. She smiled and waved but was swept into an interview short after. I sighed and made my way down and into the venue for the pre-show party. I finally found myself a drink, and I had every intention on getting a little drunk tonight.

I was sitting back at the mini bar, watching all of the people coming in, when I heard someone familiar. 

“Ed, mate!” Harry and the boys came up to me at the bar. I smiled and greeted them. I smiled and gave them all a hug. 

“How are you, man? How’s the tour been with Taylor?” Niall asked me. I watched all of them nod in agreement to his questions. I looked at them all with a smile.

“It’s been great. I’ve had the best time. Taylor and her crew are good to me.” I said with a nod. 

“Well that’s good, considering this one can’t seem to tell us anything.” Zayn said, shaking Harry by the shoulder. Harry gave Zayn a dirty look and grunted. I gave him a sorry smile. 

They all continued to talk at me about everything and I was starting to feel less and less nervous. It was good to see the boys again. I missed how easy it was to laugh with them. 

From the corner of my eye, I saw Taylor walk in with Selena and Ellie. Ellie had been coming out for a few shows lately and she invited me to some of the shows she was playing with Bruno. She was a lovely girl and I’m glad she decided to be my friend. I watched as they walked over to us.

 

“Hello guys.” Ellie said to all of us. Well, mostly Niall. They had been getting very friendly lately. I gave her a smile. I looked over to Taylor and Selena and greeted them.

“You both look stunning tonight.” I said, sipping on my drink. 

“Awh thanks.” they both said at the same time. They looked at each other and laughed. 

“I’m glad we’re all sitting in the general area of each other. I wish we could all sit next to each other, especially you, Ed.” Selena said. I watched as she nudged Taylor with her elbow and smirked at her. 

“Ah it’s okay, I’m just glad I’m not stranded in the middle of nowhere where I’m sitting between people I don’t know.” I said, raising my drink as a cheers.

“It’s almost time, We should get going.” Niall said quietly to the boys. They quickly shuffled off. I could tell they felt weird having Taylor around, for whatever reason. Except for Harry of course. I watched him and Taylor share a friendly wave and glance and that was it. Ellie also seemed to wander off to who knows where without anyone noticing. 

“So where’s your date, T?” Selena said. 

“I don’t know, I think he went to his seat already.” She said, looking at her phone in her hand. 

“Should we get going to our seats?” I asked the ladies. They both agreed and we made our way into where the audience was seated. I mentally prepared myself for a night of awkward tension and expensive liquor. 

—

By the end of the night I was pretty drunk. It really eased my anxiety. I enjoyed my night to the best of my ability, presented the award I was asked to present, and watched the performances in content. 

Taylor scooped a moon man tonight and I couldn’t have been happier for her. She looked so happy when she got the award. But now, I was holding her in our hotel room as she cried her pretty make up off. I kept rubbing her back and shushing her quietly but it seemed she wasn’t letting up. The worst part of it all I still haven’t been told why she was sobbing so hard. 

“Taylor, you have to tell me what’s going on. please.” I said quietly. She was cuddled up into my chest still in her dress from tonight. Her hair was down and all over the place and I could see her lipstick all over my shirt. Not that I minded, she was cuddling up to me after all. 

I watched Taylor sit up and get her phone from the side table and open it up. She then proceeded to show screencaps of gifs on tumblr of herself. One in particular caught my eye. There was a gif of her and the text on it said “shut the fuck up” I took the phone out of her hand and watched her lips more carefully. My eyes instantly widened and looked at her. 

“Shit, they put that on tv?” I asked.

“I wouldn’t have minded if they showed that as they were broadcasting the award that One Direction won.” she said, adding in another sob. 

“What the fuck? really?” I said.

“I didn’t even say that during that time. Selena said something about not winning the award she was nominated. I can’t handle this.” she said. I gave her back her phone and brought her into another cuddle session. 

“How long will this go on? I’ve never had so much hate for dating a boy in my whole life. No one gets it. No one knows what really happened. No one knows. Why must they judge?” she was sniffling and sobbing.

“Well, you know, people are people and they will say shit. You’ve said it before; not everyone is going to like you. It cruel people are doing this and I’m sorry. But hopefully I can make it better.” I kissed the top of her head a couple times. She looked up and smiled. She then pulled in for a kiss. I kissed her cheek a couple times and then pulled her back in. 

“I guess you’re right. But, I don’t know. I’m not that strong to be honest.” she sighed. She stayed in my arms for a while and then instantly shot up from the bed. 

“I’m going to shower.” she said, as she walked across the room. She grabbed some clothes out of a big duffel bag by the bathroom door and turned to me. She gave me a smirk. 

“Would you…like to join me?” she said. 

Shit fuck. 

I felt my eyes widen and my face warm up. Taylor then burst into laughter. 

“You should see your face right now! ahahahah!” she boasted. My jaw dropped. I then picked up the pillow next to me and threw it at her. 

“That’s not fair, Swift!” I yelled. she scurried into the bathroom to avoid my attack. She leaned against the doorway and gave me a giggle smile.

“I’ll be back, Sheeran.” she said. She then shut the door behind her and the sound of the running water filled the now quiet hotel room. I layed back and let out a happy sigh. 

Taylor is perfect. She’s literally perfection. I can’t believe I get to know a person like her, let alone being a relationship with her. I wonder how she thinks about me. We haven’t really had time to sit down and talk about our relationship and where it stands. I hope we’re on the same page. 

From the bathroom I could hear Taylor singing in the shower. I tried to focus on the melody to see what it was, seeing as it was familiar. I sat up a little bit. I smiled and chuckled when I heard why it was so familiar. 

“And I’d throw it all away,  
And watch you fall into my arms again.  
And I’d throw it all away  
To watch you fall, now.”

 

I laid back down and closed my eyes. I found myself humming along with her. 

“This is the start of something beautiful.  
This is the start of something new.”


	16. fifteen.

_“Babe. Hey. Babe.”_

_I woke up with a weight on my lower stomach. I groaned and rubbed my eyes until I realized what was going on._

_There was Taylor wearing nothing but a tank top and some undies, straddling my waist. The morning sun was shining in through the blinds and making her bed head hair and skin glow. I felt my whole body starting to tense up._

_“T-Taylor, what are you doing?” I asked. My voice was shaking. fuck._

_“I was watching you sleep and I couldn’t help myself, you’re so cute when you sleep. And this…” She traced her fingertips down my bare chest. I felt goosebumps form on my arms and my chest felt like it was on fire._

_Shitshitshit._

_“I’ve never really looked at your body. You never give me a chance, actually. Why is that?” she asked, giving me an innocent look._

_“I-I don’t remember going to bed without a shirt on.” I let out a nervous lap. Taylor was shifting around all over my lap, making me tense up even more than I was._

_“You don’t remember the couple beers we had before bed? I do. You’re very cuddly when you get to a point of being drunk. You’re so adorable.” she said, giggling. Why don’t I remember any of this?_

_“Um..Oh.” is all I could think of saying. I was at a lost of what to say or do. Taylor was so out of character at the moment, or I’ve never seen this side of her. I couldn’t figure out which one it is._

_I saw Taylor lean down to me so we our faces were almost touching. The smirk on her face was turning me on more and more by the second and I didn’t know how to feel. I felt her put a hand on my chin to guide me into a kiss. Her lips touched mine and a spark of goosebumps filled my whole body. I melted into the kiss as Taylor took total dominance over me. She pulled away and put her fingers through my hair and tugged at it a little. I tried to hold back the moan in the back of my throat, but I didn’t stand a chance. She let out a giggle._

_“You don’t have to hold back around me Ed.” she whispered in my ear. I let out a shaky sigh. She started leaving kisses down my neck. She decided to stop on the spot behind my ear and suck and bite on the skin, and I couldn’t help but let out a small groan.  
“Everyone thinks I’m this shy virginal woman, but I’m far from it.” she whispered to me. “Just because I don’t talk of my sex life doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.” _

_She proceeded to nibble and suck on my skin all the way down to my collar bones. She was rubbing my arms gently. I could feel her moving her hips back and forth on my lap and I let out a loud moan._

_“Do you like that?” I heard her say. I didn’t know what to say. I watched her slowly tug at my sweatpants._

_“Oh, no boxers or anything?” she said, giggling. She pulled my pants off all the way and shimmied down so she was laying in between my legs. What she did next caught me off guard. She took me in her mouth an-_

I shot up from my slumber with cold sweat all over me.

 

I looked over and saw Taylor sleeping peacefully next to me. I could feel my eyes widen, my cheeks red and warm, but worst of all, I could feel the tightness in my sweatpants. I looked down and saw I wasn’t wearing a shirt. Shit, was that real?! There’s no way I can ask her. Fuck.

I looked around and didn’t see any beer bottles around or anything I let out a sigh and I knew what I needed to do; cold shower.

 

I jumped out of the bed gently, making sure to not wake Taylor, and scurried to the bathroom. I got into the shower as fast as I could and braced myself for the tundra of water to beat down on me when I turned the dial. 

As I stood there, I did my best to push out my dreams of last night. Soon my skin was numb from the cold and my little issue was resolved. I turned the warm up a little and relaxed into the water. I got lost in thought until I heard a knock at the bathroom door. 

“Um..Ed..?” Taylor’s voice echoed as I heard her open the door. “I know you’re showering right now but I really have to pee…” 

“Oh um, yeah. You can.” I said. I felt myself tense up knowing she was in the room with me. I shook my head at my thought though, it’s not like she could see me.

“I promise not to flush!” she said in a little laugh. I laughed with her. The silence in the bathroom melted into the steam that was now surrounding me. I was in a tense haze so badly that I didn’t realize what was going on when the shower curtain moved quickly.  
I quickly whipped my head to see Taylor coming into the shower with me. I was frozen in place. 

Shit shit shit. 

She has no clothes on. 

Shit Shit Shit. 

“T-Taylor what-” I had no idea what to say. I was so tensed up that I couldn’t think. 

“Is this…okay?” she asked as she hugged herself a little. Her shy demeanor made my heart beat slow down a little. I nodded and she gave me a smile.

“Here..do you want the water?” I asked. 

“Oh, yeah..but why is it so cold?” she said putting out her hand.

Fuck.

“Oh…Um.”

There was an awkward silence as I watched her face. Her eyes widened as I saw something click in them.

“O-oh god Um..I can leave…?” she said as she opened the curtain. I grabbed her arm to stop her. 

“No! it’s okay I promise. Here.” I turned to turn up the warm water. I scooted over so we could switch. I watched as she emerged herself in the water. As I watched, I didn’t dare look anywhere but her face. 

Don’t look down, Ed. For fuck sake, be a gentleman. 

As Taylor ran her fingers through her hair as the water beat down her, she let out a sigh. 

“Showers never cease to relax me.” she mumbled, “I take them too much.” 

Considering she just took one last night, I laughed at her comment.

“It’s natural.” I said as I grabbed for the bottle of soap on the ledge. I started lathering up my arms until Taylor took the bottle of body wash out of my hand. 

“Is this why you smell so dreamy?” she said while she examined the bottle. I snorted.

‘You think I smell dreamy?” 

“Well you don’t smell bad.” she said, as she started lathering herself up with my body wash. I let out a little laugh. 

I couldn’t help but take in her body. I was surprised she didn’t mind me seeing her exposed like this. I was also surprised in myself that I didn’t feel weird being this exposed to her as well. She thankfully didn’t see me oogling at her body up and down. 

“So..we have 12 more shows left together…” she said. Even though I had been reluctantly counting down the days, having her say it out loud made it more real. My chest felt heavy. 

“Is it really that time already…?” I asked. I looked into her eyes and could see the sadness I was feeling in them. We shared a moment of silence. 

“Let’s not think of that now” I blurted out. The urgency in me flowed through my body all the way down to my toes. “Let’s make the best of the rest of the tour yeah?” She nodded slowly. 

We shared the rest of our time together in a comfortable silence. We were currently in California for our Sacramento show, and then we were off to Oregon the next few days. As we sat there on the newly made bed, Taylor on her laptop and me on my phone, I looked over to her. Her attention was on the screen as she scrolled down her twitter feed. The feeling in the back of my throat was starting to build up until my mouth moved by itself. 

“So, hey.” She looked over to me. 

“Hmm?” she hummed. 

“Do you want to do something today?” I asked. 

“Sure, like what?”

“Oh, anything really.” I said. “But. Can I take you out tonight?” Her big eyes blinked and her lips were agape just a little.

“Like…a date?” 

“Well, yeah.” I said. I gave her a smirk “But what about today?” 

“Well actually I was thinking about-” Taylor’s ringtone for Scott blared through the hotel room. She sighed and grabbed her phone from the middle of us. “What does Scott want..?” she trailed off as she answered it. I sat there as I listened. 

“Hi Scott…what? It’s supposed to be a day off for me….Oh, okay. No, it’s okay I totally get it. I’ll make sure to take care of it. Yeah. thanks. bye.” 

The look on her face was full of disappointment. 

“I really wanted to spend more time with you but..” she trailed off. 

“It’s okay Taylor. You are a global superstar.” I said in a goofy american accent. It luckily made her laugh. 

“I’ll see you later then?” I said. She nodded. She landed a kiss on my cheek and I couldnt help but feel warm inside. 

“I’ll make it up to you. I promise.” She said rushing out the door.

 

—

 

I haven’t heard of or seen Taylor since she left. We had a show tonight and I was currently in sound check. When I was checking the loop I could hear Taylor’s voice from the side of the stage. I looked over to see her standing there with her brother. They looked deep in conversation, but the fact I heard her voice either meant my ear pieces weren’t working properly or she was yelling. 

I tried my best to get through the soundcheck but when I glanced over to see Taylor in Austin’s arms with her face burrowed in her hands. 

I stopped what I was doing, asking for a second from our sound crew, and made my way to Taylor. Austin said nothing to me, just gave me an empathetic look.  
“What’s going on…? Taylor?” I said gently. I rubbed her back while Austin still held her. She looked up to me with teary eyes.

“Scott told me to keep my relationship with you under wraps and totally embarrassed me in front of my whole management crew. Not to mention my parents as well.” Taylor said through quiet sobs. I let out a sigh.

“And that’s not the worst part…my dancers are leaving the tour and breaching their contract. For Katy’s tour….I feel so betrayed. We have some back up dancers on call, but I have to work with the dancers tonight and then they’re going back home to prepare for their new tour.” 

Her last words were laced with anger and it gave me chills. 

“Taylor, lets go back to your hotel room for a while.” Austin said. 

“I can’t, I need to soundcheck.” She said, stepping away from her brother. “Thank you both of you, I love you.” 

She hugged Austin and he watched from the sidelines as I walked with her back into the stage. 

“I’m done with soundcheck now.” I said awkwardly. I didn’t know what to make of the new information that was laid on me.

“Will you hang out with me and Austin tonight?” Taylor asked me. The look on her face changed completely. I could tell this was her work face. 

I simply nodded. “Of course. Are we going to get smashed?” 

Taylor laughed at my words. “Yes. yes we are.” I love when she laughed. 

“It’s a date then? Sort of.” She looked down at her hands as she fidgited. 

“Yes, love.” I said. She looked right at me, eyes wide. 

“Taylor, we’re ready for you.” one of the sound crew said through our earpieces. 

“I’ll see you tonight okay?” Taylor said as she hugged me. I melted into her embrace instantly. 

“see you, Love.” I whispered to her. We pulled away from each other, and she gave me a beautiful smile.

I could get used to being the source of her smiles.

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this fic back in 2013. It was really popular on tumblr so I wanted to share it here. This fic is my baby, I love it so much. Sweeran 5eva.


End file.
